Time to my self

Well I still have pain in the feet, waiting for the Rituxan to kick in.  Tonight my heart is aching a bit.  My grand children who have lived with me since birth(with their mom, my daughter) left for a vacation with my son and some teacher friends.  I know they are all responsible adults, with kids of their own but I am so worried about the kids(age 4 and 5). OF course they will be fine!! and I have time to myself to rest my feet right????Why why why can't I relax and enjoy this??????