Time Tells
This week seems to be the week Ive made up my mind about things...no more Spirits of any kind. Now, this morning I decided that instead of b*tching about my relatinship, that I would put all my efforts in over the next several months to make my relationship work.
I can't keep looking at it as a bad thing because that's a miserable way to live daily. If I've put 120% into the relationship and it still doesn't work then I know I need to move on, and who knows, he may want to too. Until I know I've done everything I can, then I'm not going to live miserable anymore.
Closing my door at work seems to be helping. No more coddleing coworkers. No more people pleasing.
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Well, no it all. . .
I've had several Alanon sponsors who have beat me with wet noodles for taking on too many changes at once. They were unanimous in their opines that the tendency to make big, sweeping changes in my life was a symptom of the "Chaos Addiction" I acquired from a childhood of continually changing residence/schools through the endless parade of over-sexed party animals. It took several sponsors for me to figure out WTF they were talking about, but I think I have finally caught on. Maybe. Research in progress. . . Time will, indeed, tell. For sure I've gotten as far as seeing the value of itsy bitsy baby steps.
But that is me. . .
Continued support while you find your way to the Sage Life. It's a long and winding road.
I'm trying not to make changes so much as to just taking myself out of situations like diffusing things at work which. Is indeed less stress for me, no bars being around people I don't know and maybe putting myself in danger.
*Just* taking myself out of situations was/is one of the itsy bitsy baby steps I reach for first with each and every one of my psychotic episodes. Among my many metaphors for the lighter weight rounds of that step is getting out of the rain before I try to dry off. Then there are the hurricanes and cyclones of life. . . Needs more than a towel to dry off from those rounds. . .
I'm still working on the step of having sense enough to worry about the dangers. I can't even handle starting my car on the days I am overly worried about the dangers of life. THEY'RE EVERYWHERE! ! ! THEY'RE EVERYWHERE! ! !
Yes, even now I'm up, Im dressed but I can't seem to bring myself to leave the house, I know the putting will do me good but for what purpose?
Be gentle with yourself and patient with the process, my healing warrior. Trust your healing instincts. Sometimes doing nothing is something, after all.