TIME FOR A CHANGE

"LIKE BARACK OBAMA SAID, IT'S TIME FOR A CHANGE"(LOLLI-LOLLI)  FIRST OFF, I WANT TO CONFESS SOMETHING THAT I HAVE SUCH A HARD TIME BELIEVING OR ADMITTING ABOUT MYSELF, AND THAT IS, THAT I TRULY AM A GOOD PERSON, AND I AM LOVED BY GOD.  IN ALL REALITY, AND IN MY HEART OF HEARTS, I AM GOOD OVER 90% OF THE TIME.  WITH GROWING UP HOW AND WHERE I DID, I LEARNED QUICKLY THAT IF I DIDN'T WANT TO GET BULLIED OR MADE FUN OF ANYMORE, I BETTER PUT UP A WALL WITH A VERY HARD AND TOUGH EXTERIOR, SO SINCE I WAS ABOUT 7, I BEGAN TO BUILD THIS INPENATRABLE WALL BRICK BY BRICK SO ONLY PEOPLE THAT WANTED TO TRULY GET TO KNOW ME AND DIDN'T WISH ANY HARM FOR ME COULD COME INSIDE THAT WALL AND SEE WHAT A LOVING AND HAPPY HEART I TRULY HAD.  I WAS A QUIET OBSERVER THROUGH MUCH OF MY CHILDHOOD.  I WOULD SIT IN A GROUP AND LAUGH OR CRACK A JOKE TO MAKE OTHERS LAUGH, AND JUST SAY OFF THE WALL STUFF TO REALLY MAKE PEOPLE GIGGLE AND IT MADE ME FEEL GOOD TO LAUGH AND MAKE OTHERS LAUGH.  BACK THEN, WE CALLED IT TALKIN' SHIT BECAUSE THAT'S REALLY ALL IT EVER WAS.  THERE WAS NOTHING BEHIND IT, YOU'D TALK SHIT, AND THEN HOPE TO GOD THAT YOU NEVER HAD TO BACK IT UP.  WELL, THERE WERE TIMES IN MY LIFE THAT I DID HAVE TO BACK IT UP AND I DID IT WITH RECKLOUS ABANDON TO THE POINT WHERE NO ONE EVEN RECOGNIZED ME AT THAT POINT.  THEY THOUGHT, WAS THAT REALLY ROB WHO DID THAT.  WOW, I DIDN'T KNOW HE WAS CAPABLE OF THAT.  I HAD BUILT UP THIS REPUTATION OF A GOOD HEARTED, FUN LOVIN' GUY WHO WAS NOT TO BE FUCKED WITH OR HE WOULD FUCKIN' DESTROY YOU.  WELL, GROWING UP IN THE HOOD, IT WORKED REALLY REALLY WELL, BUT IN MY ADULTHOOD, IT HAS LEAD TO MY DEMISE BECAUSE I STILL HAVE THAT EXACT ATTITUDE.  IF YOU'RE OUT TO ATTACK ME OR SOMEONE THAT I LOVE, THE ATTACK DOG WILL BE UNLEASHED AND HE WILL DEFINATELY LEAVE A MARK. BUT... IT'S TIME FOR A CHANGE.  IT JUST DOESN'T WORK ANYMORE.  IT JUST SENDS ME TO JAIL AND CAUSES PEOPLE TO HATE ME EVEN MORE.  NOT TO MENTION, IT'S NOT VERY CHRIST-LIKE.  THE QUESTION IS, WHAT DO I DO WITH PEOPLE WHO ARE ATTACKING ME TO THE POINT THAT IT IS AFFECTING ME AND MY FAMILY.  WHAT IS THE MOST CONSTRUCTIVE WAY TO HANDLE IT WHEN I FEEL A THREAT TO ME OR MY FAMILY.  DO I TURN THE OTHER CHEEK WHICH REALLITY MEANS STUFF IT INSIDE AND TAKE IT.  THAT'S ALL WELL AND GOOD, BUT THAT'S WHAT GETS ME IN TO THIS MESS.  I TURN THE OTHER CHEEK AND TAKE IT SO MUCH UNTIL I JUST EXLODE ON THE SLAPPER WITH A BUILT UP VIOLENT AND BLIND RAGE.  I HAVE TO FIND A MORE CONSTRUCTIVE WAY THAN THAT.   WELL, THIS IS GOING TO BE MY OPTIONS FOR MY NEW ACTION PLAN FOR WHEN THOSE SITUATIONS COME UP... STAND UP AND TALK TO "THE SLAPPER:"  THIS ONE IS THE MOST DANGEROUS, AND SCARY, BUT COULD VERY WELL BE THE MOST AFFECTIVE.  WHEN YOU STAND UP TO THE PERCIEVED MONSTER, SOMETIMES THE MONSTER ISN'T A MONSTER AT ALL.  THEY WANT THE SAME THINGS THAT YOU DO, AND THEY'RE AS SCARED OF CONFLICT AS YOU ARE.  THIS IS CALLED SQUASHING THE BEEF, BUT IT ONLY COMES THROUGH DIRECT CONVERSATION THAT IS TWO WAY AND FILLED WITH LISTENING, UNDERSTANDING AND RESPECT, BECAUSE IF THERE'S NO RESPECT, THIS COULD TURN INTO A PHYSICAL CONFRONTATION WHICH JUST GETS YOU BACK TO SQARE ONE AND DOES NOTHING CONSTRUCTIVE.  WALK AWAY, PRAY AND SMOKE IF YOU GOT 'EM:  THIS IS ALSO SOMETHING THAT COULD DEFUSE THE HEAT OF THE MOMENT OF CONFLICT.  COOL DOWN AND THINK IT OUT BEFORE YOU DO SOMETHING STUPID.  DROP THE BEEF FOR THAT INSTANT AND PICK IT UP LATER IF COOLER HEADS CAN PREVAIL.(CAN YOU TELL, I TALK TO MYSELF OFTEN.LOL.)  PRAYING HELPS YOU TO MAINTAIN YOUR PEACE.  CRY OUT TO THE LORD AND ASK FOR HIS GUIDENCE AND THE WORDS TO SAY AND TO HEAL YOUR OWN BROKEN HEART, AND WORK INTERNALLY TO FIND THE ROOT OF THE PROBLEM BECAUSE 9 OUT OF 10 TIMES, IT STARTS WITH SOMETHING INSIDE YOU THAT YOU'RE REACTING TO AND THEN DEFEND YOURSELF.  SADLY, WE FIGHT OTHERS TO DEAL WITH OUR OWN INSECURITIES.  WHEN SOMEONE EXPOSES OUR INSECURITIES, THEY BECOME THE ENEMY OR THE DEVIL OR WHATEVER, BUT IT ALL STARTS WITH THE PERSONAL KNOWLEDGE OF OUR OWN SHORT-COMINGS.  DO A MEDIATION:  GET A NEUTRAL REFEREE OF SORTS TO WORK OUT THE ISSUES THAT YOU HAVE WITH EACH OTHER.  THIS HELPS TO GET EVERYTHING OUT IN THE OPEN AND ON THE TABLE,(SO TO SPEAK) IN A PEACEFUL AND ORDERLY FASHION.  YOU BRING UP YOUR BEEF IN FULL, AND THEN SHUT UP AND LISTEN TO WHAT THEIR BEEF IS IN FULL, AND THEN RESPOND AS THEY LISTEN, AND THEN THEY RESPOND AS YOU LISTEN UNTIL YOU TWO FINALLY COME TO SOME SORT OF AGREEMENT OR UNDERSTANDING. IGNORE, IGNORE, IGNORE:  SOMETIMES THIS ONE IS HARD WHEN YOU KNOW THE PERSON.  IT WORKS FINE IN THE WORLD OF DS BECAUSE YOU DON'T DEAL WITH THIS PERSON ON A CONSISTANT BASIS.  IT'S ALSO DANGEROUS BECAUSE IGNORE CAN ALSO BE CONFUSED WITH STUFFING, AND A CLASSIC STUFFER LIKE MYSELF SAYS THEY'RE IGNORING THEM WHEN REALLY THEY ARE JUST MAKING BURNING LAVA INSIDE THAT INTERNAL VOLCANO JUST WAITING FOR THE PERFECT MOMENT TO ERUPT.  WELL, I THINK MY BEST TWO OPTIONS RIGHT NOW, HAVE TO DO WITH TALKING IT OUT WITH THE OTHER PARTY EITHER DIRECTLY OR WITH A MEDIATOR WITH AN EMERGENCY ESCAPE OPTION OF WALKING AWAY TO AVOID ANOTHER VIOLENT PHYSICAL CONFRONTATION.  THE BOTTEM LINE, IS I HAVE BEEF WITH SOMEONE THAT HAS BEEF WITH ME, AND I NEED TO STEP UP AND BE A "REAL MAN" AND CONFRONT THE SITUATION IN A PEACEFUL AND VERBAL MANNER AND NOT A PHYSICALLY VIOLENT ONE LIKE A COWARD.  IT TAKES A REAL MAN TO TALK IT OUT, AND IT'S TIME I START AND GIVE IT MY BEST EFFORT TO BE THAT.  ************************************************************************************************************************************************************************************************************    LET'S PRAY:FATHER GOD, I PRAISE YOUR NAME THAT YOU MADE ME A FREE MAN TODAY.  THE STATE DIDN'T PICK UP THE CASE AND THEY TOLD ME THAT I DIDN'T HAVE TO GO TO ANYMORE COURT DATES.  LORD, AS I WALKED OUT OF THAT COURTHOUSE TODAY, INSTANTLY, MY EYES FILLED WITH TEARS AND MY HEART WAS OVERFLOWING WITH YOUR GRACE, AND YOUR MERCY, AS I COULD FEEL YOUR SON'S BLOOD RAINING OVER ME AND CLEANSING ME FROM MY UNRIGHTOUSNESS.  WITH THIS PRAISE DADDY, COMES A PRAYER FOR A CHANGE IN MY DARK SPACE IN MY HEART THAT IS FILLED WITH ANGER AND RAGE THAT I HAVE ALWAYS HAD.  IT'S IN MY BLOOD, LORD, BUT I BELIEVE THAT YOUR PRECIOUS BLOOD CAN WASH THAT AWAY AND FILL IT WITH YOUR LIGHT.  LORD, FOR THE FIRST TIME IN MY LIFE, I HAVE SUCH A YEARNING FOR RIGHTOUSNESS, NOT PERFECTION, BUT RIGHTOUSNESS.  LORD, I SIMPLY WANT TO LOVE PEOPLE WHETHER THEY LOVE ME BACK OR NOT, AND TO THOSE THAT DO LOVE ME, LORD, I WANT TO FILL THEM WITH YOUR LOVE OVERFLOWING FROM THE LOVE THAT I KNOW YOU HAVE FOR ME.  JESUS, I PRAY FOR MY BEAUTIFUL BRIDE RIGHT NOW, LORD.  I PRAY THAT YOU WOULD HEAL HER HEART LORD AND TAKE AWAY THAT HATE THAT SHE HAS FOR HERSELF LORD TO THE POINT THAT SHE WANTS TO HARM HERSELF.  I PRAY THAT YOU WOULD RAIN YOUR BLOOD OVER HER LIFE, LORD, TO THE POINT WHERE EVEN IF SHE WOULD BLACK OUT AGAIN, HER UNCONSCIOUS THOUGHT WOULD BE OF THE LOVE THAT YOU HAVE FOR HER, AND OF HOW MUCH YOU'RE GOING TO WORK IN HER LIFE.  LORD, SHE'S HAVING TROUBLE BELIEVING IN YOUR GOODNESS RIGHT NOW, LORD, AND I CAN'T SAY THAT I FULLY BLAME HER.  LORD, I KNOW BETTER, BUT I'VE ALSO SEEN YOU WORK YOUR MAJESTY OVER MY LIFE.  LORD, MY ONE DESIRE IS THAT YOU WOULD SHOW YOUR POWER, LOVE, AND MAJESTY PERSONALLY IN HER LIFE, LORD.  LORD JESUS, HER ONE DESIRE IN LIFE IS TO HAVE A BABY FROM HER WOMB, AND I BELIEVE THAT YOU ARE PERFECTLY WORKING THAT PLAN TO THE POINT OF PERFECT FORFILLMENT.  I BELIEVE THAT YOU MAGICALLY PUT ME IN HER LIFE FOR THAT VERY REASON SO THAT SHE COULD MAKE A VERY BEAUTIFUL CHILD WITH ONE OF YOUR CHILDREN THAT YOU SEE AS SPECIAL.  I THANK YOU SO MUCH FOR CHOOSING ME TO BE THE FATHER OF HER CHILD AND TO HELP WITH THE PROCESS TO CREATE THAT CHILD AND ALLOWING ME TO BE A PART IN FORFILLING HER PRECIOUS DREAM TO BE A MOMMY TO A CHILD OF HER VERY OWN.   LORD JESUS, I THANK YOU FOR EVERYTHING THAT YOU'VE EVER DONE IN MINE AND MY FAMILIES LIFE, I THANK YOU THAT YOUR PRECIOUS ANGEL, DANIELLE IS NOW APART OF MY FAMILY AS MY INCREDIBLY BEAUTIFUL BRIDE, AND I THANK YOU FOR ALL THAT YOUR GOING TO DO IN HER LIFE PERSONALLY AS WELL AS IN OUR WHOLE FAMILIES LIFE. IN JESUS ALMIGHTY NAME, AMEN AND AMEN.