Time
Hello SOTH's - it has been a little bit since writing. This summer has gone by fast and I can't believe Tuesday I return to work. I'm ready-- too much time in my own head is not a good thing. I make no sense, half the time, and the other half of the time, I try to make sense....exhausting! LOL
I have Hunter this week. He is good and trying to figure life out. WE have been able to talk about his mom, share some reactions we had after she died. He said I try to remember her voice and sometimes can't....I said, "Hunter, I have her voice on my phone"...he said maybe this week, I'll listen....SIGH.....To share how his memory isn't that good after his mom's death and some things he doesn't remember.....I shared the same thing.....Oh how I hope he knows he is not alone.
I had my mom's memorial service recorded by one the church members. Well, I never got the DVD. I tried to get it right after and a few months later but somehow no-one knew what happened to it.....After awhile I assumed that it probably went to Mom's house where her husband and son reside now and they kept it or threw it away or whatever....anyway 4 years later, a friend of my mom's called me and said, I have the DVD to your mom's service....WHAT??? Some ladies were cleanng out some cupboard @ mom's church and found it.....this lady who called me happened to be standing there.....anyway it was mailed to me.
I was so thrilled to get it, even though the quality is not that good and I would have done some things differently BUT IN SAYING THAT - GUESS WHAT???? I was able to see my Jennifer walking, her face.....Oh sisters, to see her moving WAS SO WORTH IT.....
Jennifer hated pictures and I don't have any videos of her so to SEE her...moving.....SIGH. It took me a couple of days to get my head on straight again as I tried to convince myself she isn't really gone....I saw her moving....Oh, I know you will understand...I saw my Jennifer.....:):):)
Well, it's Sunday night - Hunter is staying with a friend for the night and I will pick him up tomorrow....going to enjoy my last day of freedom tomorrow before the demands of work...LOL
Can't wait for the retreat....!!!!!! Sendng hugs to you all from Jennifer's mom, always.
Replies
I'm happy to hear how you are doing and feeling my friend. :) So many happenings in your life with the finding of the DVD at the perfect right time, huh?! It's just amazing to me how those things work out. To see Jennifer in that way I have no doubt brought many feelings into your BEing. Most of all for me it's the longing and often time disbelief still that I can't reach out and share a tight bear hug with my son.
I'm glad Hunter and you have had time and to be able to speak of Jennifer is such a blessing. There are those aspects that become a bit foggy over time, yet I am a strong believer that the heart never forgets.
Best of luck as you begin your school year and soon we'll be sharing a hug too. Yippee! Yahoo!
Love to Jennifer's mom from Douglas and me,
XO Joanie
Oh wow, Vicki! What a flood of emotions seeing Jennifer moving on the DVD must have brought up! I can imagine both sad and wonderful. I am so glad you finally received the DVD and you can honor your mom and your daughter as you view it.
May your school year be blessed as you make a difference for students.
Enjoy your time with Hunter.
Loving you and dearest Jennifer, Linda ♡
I am so glad the video appeared. I have some old videos of Lisa as a child. It warms my heart and makes me cry to see her.
I hear you when you say that it is a good thing to be going back to work. I get very depressed if I am not focusing on something. Too much down time is not good for me.
Take care. Tight hugs, M