Time
Here we are in the second week of the new year already. I sent a long lengthy email to my estranged daughter yesterday wishing her a Happy New Year. I miss her. I need to have a talk with Roomie about my plans.. although having to have this surgery is throwing a stick in the spokes and noone likes being flipped over handlebars. I'm not quite sure what to do now but, out of fairness to him I need to let him know where I think I'm headed. I go through bouts of fear and then resolutness. On one hand the fear of the unknown keeps me where I am at but on the other hand, I think single women live on their own all the time-it's just hard not having anyone to turn to for advice. I have "Friends" but these friends all have agendas. I have my friend in Ft. Lauderdale but she is in the middle of helping her daughter through a divorce and I don't want to reach out to her.
Work is going good- I pour all my energy into it so I don't have to deal with anything else-right now I just don't have the energy. Ive been going home and going straight to bed. I'm just so tired after getting off work and this makes me think there is definately something going on with me physically. I feel like a cat thats stops cleaning itself before it dies- just washing my hair is a chore.
I am not myself-I'm not sure who that person is.
Replies
Married women quite often live alone, as well. I don't know how many years of my marriage I have spent living alone, but doing so has been a super sanity saver in my long, strictly personal battles with mental illness. I am grateful that Hubby agrees with me that family is bigger than a common address. 40 years of estrangement from my birth family has yet to dilute our blood significantly. Even when my knight in shining armor is allowed in my living space, I still go to my therapy supporters for healing advice. Is it a good thing that My Man is too emotionally involved to see the forest for the trees?
Gentle empathy on the sorrows of being the target of estrangement rather than the empowered person cutting ties. I haven't had a civil conversation with my still breathing son (almost 40) in ? ? ? Enough years that I *should* have *just gotten over ^it^* by now.
Rocking you gently and crying with you. . .
Having an adult child that won't speak to you, mush feel like you have lost a part of yourself and might be triggering your depression. I found that It's always better to face your fears then to avoid them. I always felt batter afterwards.
God Bless
Arfie,
Should I just let my daughter be and stop reaching out to her? I've wrestled with this. Roomie is much the same way-he allows me my space and we cohabitate well under this roof however----I'm not ready to give up on the notion that there is something better for me out there-I am refusing to just let go of the "hope rope" and settle as I think this will surely be the end of what little sanity I have. When I have tried settling-I just go further down the rabbit Hole and it get's darker. I guess I'd like to try first before I settle and I haven't been able to try yet on my own for long.
I would keep reaching out to her but have no expectations.