Tic tic tock goes the big clock
Today was always my favorite holiday aside from Halloween which isn't really a holiday. Growing up in a large extended Italian American family, traditions were everything. We would all, and when I say all I'm talking all of us moms, dads, aunts, uncles, sisters, brothers, cousins, second cousins and second cousins twice removed. Cram into my uncle Frank and Opeilia's home. The adults would have the run of the entire house, all 20+ of us kids would be stuffed into a long closet like room that had a color TV set with bunny ears. We watched the 10 commandments every year , not by choice.
The year my uncle Frank died, my grandfather died six months later. We never had another NYE party.
Every year always brought the hope of maybe this year we can have the party.
Since my diagnosis, it just feels different. It feels like there is a clock ticking down with how much longer I have to function. Every year I hear that ticking get louder as I feel myself loosing control of my body. I look at this person in the mirror and some days I don't recognize her. I'm scared that a simple task of carting a laundry basket up two flights of steps can cause me to pass out for 45 minutes on top of the basket from exhaustion.
I don't want this to be the year I can't be me anymore.
The year my uncle Frank died, my grandfather died six months later. We never had another NYE party.
Every year always brought the hope of maybe this year we can have the party.
Since my diagnosis, it just feels different. It feels like there is a clock ticking down with how much longer I have to function. Every year I hear that ticking get louder as I feel myself loosing control of my body. I look at this person in the mirror and some days I don't recognize her. I'm scared that a simple task of carting a laundry basket up two flights of steps can cause me to pass out for 45 minutes on top of the basket from exhaustion.
I don't want this to be the year I can't be me anymore.
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