Tired...
Sorry in advance to anyone who writes a journal or needs some support. I am depressed severely and tired of fighting with myself just to get out of bed. I am taking a break and just going to let myself be in bed. Day 5 no hot water and 1-2 months before we can come up with the money to replace the hot water heater - FYI: Do not by any whirlpool water heaters, mine is 7 months old and wont stay lit and they company doesnt honor the warranty. In the last week my A/C went out and I used all the funds I had for this whole month to fix it. The my water heater went out before the A/C was even fixed (no hot showers, nothing) and now my coffee pot wont work. Along with all the work I did on my yard to reset a pond, the pump and light stopped working. I have just had enough. I am tired of being awake to think about how much it all sucks. I am tired of crap happening to me. I have a friend who has enough money to help me out, but just wont. My family could all come together to get my a water heater and if each of them put in $75 I would have one. I have been through hell and back and through it all again. Everything has gone down hill since my sons death. I am alone other than my husband that I see a few hours a day and my one friend that I see once every few weeks. At this point I dont even want to be around anyone anyway. The hell with it all. I am thinking of turning off my phones and the internet. Why even bother having it. I get online and am bored as hell here too. When I am in pain, this is the only place I can go and even get a response. I am tired, warn out, and just plain sick of the bull!
Replies
Oh depression..it\'s an ugly place to be..my Pdoc told me I was cycling back into a depressive episode,because I was starting to feel loss of interest in everything ,and sleeping too much..I\'m usually pretty manic...I didn\'t even recognise that I was going into depression...that\'s how sneaky it is.
I guess ...for a short time..I \"forgot\" I was bipolar..?Sounds silly..I thought I was done with depression.Guess not.
Hang in there..my AC doesn\'t work either,and today we are expecting 112..UUGH!
hugs
dd
It is o.k. to feel like shit, you are going through a lot. BUT do not give up, things will get better believe it or not. Do what ever it takes for now, no phones, no net, sleeping, to keep yourself feeling not so stressed. Maybe in a couple days it will start to improve. I sure know the feeling of being down and out with no water for bathing or bathroom, but believe it or not I can laugh about using the coffe can to pee and the hose to bath. It was not funny at the time but things will get better..I promise..Naomi xo
I agree with Naomi. Someday you\'ll look back on this and be able to laugh about it. I know it doesn\'t seem that way now because right now it really sucks. It\'s almost unbelievable! Now the coffee pot?!? I\'M AFRID TO ASK WHAT\'S NEXT? I mean, come on, can this really happening? Not that I doubt you for one second. It just all seems unreal. You poor woman. God is testing your will power this summer for sure. But I promise you it\'s going to get better. And it\'s going to get better soon.
One summer a few years ago my husband got a job out in Boston so we moved from New York to Boston but we didn\'t have the money to rent an apartment so we thought we\'d \"camp out\" for a few weeks at the camp grounds until our house in NY sold and we found a house we could afford to buy. Well, one thing after another happened. Our house in NY never sold. We didn\'t have the money for two mortages. We didn\'t have the money to rent an apartment in expensive Boston. We were stuck in a tent in a camp ground from May to October. Like you, if it could go wrong it went wrong. Bugs got into our food supply. Raccoons ate our rubbermaids. It rained every other nighs soaking everything we owned. My husband had to dress in a dress shirt and tie and go to work from our camp site everday. I had to go to the laundry mat, yuck! Leaving me two kids to entertain with no money. Oh and did I mention I was six months PREGNANT when this whole thing started??! I gave birth at the end of the story when finally we got into a house.
Try sleeping in a tent when you\'re pregnant. NOT FUN!!
But we all laugh about the summer from Hell now.
Makes us appreciate our beds, AC, washer and dryer, roof over our heads.
I promise you hon, it will get better. Hang in there.
Your friend,
Joanne
Oh no don\'t let the depression win. you have alot going on more than you can cope with but now is not the time to give up. I have been there and it was bad. I know how easy it is to give up but it is not what you should do. try to count your blessings. so you don\'t dwell on all the bad things swallowing you up right now. If you need to scream and vent but don\'t give in to your depression. Hugs! I care and want to see you start to feel better soon.
Hot when you want it cold, cold when you want it hot. Now the coffee maker and the pond pump. I can see you have a bit of a dark cloud over you. I know it seems bad right now but it WILL get better. I know it doesn\'t feel like that now. It\'s hell when all the crap is coming at the same time but some time will pass and you\'ll be proud that you got thru it in one piece.