Thursday,the case of the missing social worker

Good morning journal,the time is now 8:44am and I have been awake since 3:40am,my sleep interrupted by something and nothing,until I finally gave up trying to sleep again and came through to our lounge.I am now on my fifth or sixth cup of coffee,I lost count after three I think,and I have only decided to come here now,why I don't know,it just seemed like a good idea at the time.This morning,I would have liked to report on the news and/or decisions that were made regarding my ongoing care,unfortunately,I am unable to do so owing to the fact that my new mental health social worker failed to turn up and keep our appointment.I would like to say that she called or sent a text,but,we have heard absolutely nothing from her,no apology,no message of any kind explaining why she could not see us.Now,before anybody asks,yes,....I am somewhat miffed at her non-communication with us,I quite understand she may have had some sort of situation to deal with,an emergency perhaps,....but is it too much to ask that she could have taken thirty seconds to let us know she wouldn't be coming?. It has done nothing to improve my faith in the mental health team entrusted with my care,and reinforces my belief that I am being left to deal with things on my own,if you can't help me then don't pretend you care,just get the hell out of my way so I can get on with it myself!. My lack of sleep,or should that be inability to sleep,over the past couple of nights,is due in no small way with worrying myself sick whether we will be able to make the bills this month,things are so bad now,we may not even make the rent,let alone the other bills on top,but,it is the way it is,we desperately need the help we should be entitled to under the national health service I have paid into over the past forty three years,but so far,we've been abandoned and left to fend for ourselves.My resolve and powers of inner strength are disappearing fast,and I am as low spiritually and emotionally as I have been at any time since I became ill,the only people I am sure of,and can depend on,in my life are my wife and the voices in my head,neither my wife or my voices lie to me,but it seems like everybody else does just to keep me quiet,well you know what?,I'm sick of being quiet,sick of trying to be mister nice guy,just leave me in peace with my wife,our dogs,and my voices,I am no longer interested in what you can offer me,I'm sick of your lies and delaying tactics,I'm done!!. Until next time journal,if there is a next time,we will get through the rest of today with just us and God,we need no more.Keep us safe Lord,You are our last hope.