Thursday morning,still in limbo,I don't care anymore

Good morning journal,the time is now 9:39am on a grey and overcast Thursday morning,I have been awake since 9:15am,another day begins and we are no further along the road we have been traveling for months now.There has been absolutely no contact from anyone,no pulmonary rehab details,no wheelchair and nothing from the disability people,in short,we might as well be on the moon as far as officialdom is concerned.I have reached a point where I just don't care anymore,if they don't care then fine,neither do I,I'm tired of trying to be noticed by people who should be helping me but instead seem to be simply ignoring me in the hope that I will get tired asking,okay,you've won,I'm not asking anymore.It has been fourteen months since my collapse and incapacitation from work,what do I have to do to finally convince the people who matter that I am ill?,am I the only person in the universe that can see my physical and mental deterioration has worsened to the point of seriously not wanting to be here anymore?,it seems to me that I am continually hammering my head against a brick wall with nothing to show for it.I'm tired of continually trying to smile through my pain,the renewed hope every time the telephone rings only to find it's some cold caller trying to sell me a new boiler,or the despair when,once again,I see the mailman once again walk past our gate with nothing for us.Perhaps it is time for me to take a break from this site also,I seem to do nothing but moan continually and it gets harder to write something,anything,that sounds remotely upbeat or positive,it is something for me to consider anyway,people have enough crap to deal with in their own lives without reading any more of mine.My COPD/Emphysema is being it's troublesome self again,with periods where I find it difficult to breathe on my own at times,the pills my doctor gave me to counteract my dizziness when I stand are simply not working,and my general demeanor is one of just not caring what happens anymore.The voices in my head are still talking to me in their own insistent way,and I am listening,for they are the only people who are speaking to me ,apart from my wife,for any length of time.Jeremiah,Ruth and Micah are the only real company that I have except my wife,and you know what?,that's fine by me,I'm done with doctors,psychiatrists and government departments that don't seem to care what happens to me anymore.Until next time journal,if there is a next time,may God continue to walk with us daily,let's pray that He chooses to intervene and eases our pain,both financially and spiritually soon,thank you Jesus,......Amen.