Thursday morning,pulmonary rehab,eleven to go

Good morning journal,,the time is 5:44am,yes,I know it's early,but Buttons needed to go out,and we all know what happens after that,she hops into my side of the bed and I just don't have the heart to move her,so,I make coffee and come here,and,as I have pulmonary rehab today,it's good to be up this early,it gives me some me time,and that's nearly always a good thing. Last night,I retired to bed at around 8:30pm,I actually managed to stay awake all day,had a stab at eating dinner,not too successfully it has to be said,but I'm used to eating very little or nothing when my appetite is not good. This morning,I feel surprisingly alert and sharp,I am in total control of my mind,which is not always the case,and my voices are largely silent for now,that may change as the day progresses,but for now,I am thinking clearly and coherently. I managed to get the balance between resting and staying active just about right yesterday,I don't know how I will feel after my session at the gym,it is very much a case of trial and error with exercise I think,do too much,and you will feel over tired,get it right,and it can only be beneficial,the fitness instructor is young,good looking,and has muscles in places I've never heard of,(I should really hate him!),but he's a nice guy,and very knowledgeable,so I trust him to know what he's doing. I wonder how many of my twelve class mates in class one will turn up for class two?,it will be interesting to find out. I won't make the two classes next week,on Monday,I have an appointment with the urology clinic to find out the results of my blood work and see if there is a need for any follow up visits,and on Thursday,I have my monthly meeting with my doctor,both necessary,and so I have no option but to miss the next two classes,I can't be in two places at one time,but I'll go back the following week,it's all I can do,if they don't like it,fine,I'm not trying to win any popularity contests,I'm doing what I need to do to stay as well as I can be. The time is now 6:12am and I am already dressed which is unusual for me,I usually lounge around in my robe and slippers for at least a couple of hours after rising,but this morning,I am fully clothed and ready to go,way to go me!. It is still dark outside,and we have at least another hour to go before sunrise,it feels like winter,the warm summer months now just a distant memory,we seemed to go straight from summer,skipped fall altogether,and dived headlong into winter,which can happen here in the UK,and,more often than not that is the case. Our British weather is enough to cause depression in the most optimistic of souls,but if you already have depression,it is pretty much a given,at least it is for me. I have always disliked the cold,I should have been born in a hot country,don't get me wrong,I'm fiercely proud of my Scottish heritage,but just sometimes when it's freezing here I think to myself,why couldn't I have been born in Spain,Italy,or any other country that has more sun than rain?,it would be so nice to get up in the morning to blazing hot sunshine and temperatures that don't feel as if you've left the freezer door open overnight,or perhaps even slept in it,but,it is what it is,and we have to get on with it. We Brits have a very short summer,unless we get very lucky,our warmest months are June,July and August,and if we get very lucky,midway through September,where did all the summers go that I remember as a boy?,long hot days that began early and continued long after it was dark,running barefoot with tar from the melting road surfaces squishing between your toes,is it me that isn't remembering correctly,or has the weather really changed that much?,perhaps so,but in any case,it's enough to make me yearn for the days of my childhood,if only for a little while. I didn't go out yesterday at all,the weather was awful,and I won't get to the bank today either,perhaps tomorrow,I would like the new account opened by the weekend,just in case our present bank loses interest and closes our current account without warning,they don't like customers who have gone bankrupt,hopefully I can find a bank who is more sympathetic towards us,and gives us even a basic account that we can get my unemployment pay and my housing benefit and council tax paid into,and hopefully,my disability allowance,if we are successful in our application,I am hoping and praying that we hear something soon from them,it is becoming harder to keep our heads above water with every passing day. Well journal,that's it for now,time to venture forth into yet another day,let us pray that God lends us His right arm to hold onto once again,until the next time,let us hope that we can find some peace in the hours ahead.