Thursday morning, no idea what happened!!!
Thursday morning, sound asleep at 2:30 a.m., pleasant dream going on when I wake up in a full blown panic attack. At first I thought it was an anxiety attack but as I reflect back it had to be panic.
It went like this: Woke up and bolted out of bed. Started pulling on my sweat pants and sweat shirt while being aware that I was starting to hyperventilate, all this in about 2 seconds. My mind went racing off again to all these dark places and then the trembling started. First the right hand and forearm. Managed to get a whole .5mg Xanax in the mouth and chewed it dry. Didn't care about the taste, just new I needed help...fast. Turned on the furnace (heat) grabbed my smokes and a glass of hot water and headed out side, in the fog, and rain, without a coat, alone. Sat in the yard chair, in the dark, and the cold, and then my legs started to tremble. From fear and the cold, we're talking up and down about 2-3 inches, real fast. Smoked three cigs back to back and couldn't stop my mind from reaching into the deepest, darkest, personal fears, insecurities, inevitabilities. It took a full thirty minutes for the Xanax to start to come on. A very BAD thirty minutes.
I got back to bed, shaky and unsure, but drugged into drowsiness. I woke up at 5:00 and took my Riba, staggered back to bed and finally awoke at 6:15. All I could think of was "What the F_ _ K was that all about.!.!.!"
I gathered my self up and got off to work and had a pretty confident, productive day. No more Xanax through the day but did take another one at 9:00 p.m. to ensure a sound sleep tonight.
So in my previous journal I said that "If you don't know some things are possible then maybe they wont happen........see if that theory holds water..". Well I don't think it's holding much water right know.!.!
I called the Clinic and told them all about it and all I got was "Hmmm, thats interesting" "I'm sure it's tx related, not much we can do for you there but we have made a note of it." I kind of knew that was coming but hey, at least I'm in their notes L.O.L.
Time to get out of that "ignorance is bliss" mode of "cant see it, cant hurt me" And put on that old Boy Scout uniform and start "Being prepared". Because ANYTHING IS POSSIBLE"
I know that I like to keep these journals positive and lite but THIS is just raw facts and not meant to scare. It is meant to inform me and others that each sx IS survivable. Just try to understand what happens, not why.
Little shaky but still standing and staying with it.
It went like this: Woke up and bolted out of bed. Started pulling on my sweat pants and sweat shirt while being aware that I was starting to hyperventilate, all this in about 2 seconds. My mind went racing off again to all these dark places and then the trembling started. First the right hand and forearm. Managed to get a whole .5mg Xanax in the mouth and chewed it dry. Didn't care about the taste, just new I needed help...fast. Turned on the furnace (heat) grabbed my smokes and a glass of hot water and headed out side, in the fog, and rain, without a coat, alone. Sat in the yard chair, in the dark, and the cold, and then my legs started to tremble. From fear and the cold, we're talking up and down about 2-3 inches, real fast. Smoked three cigs back to back and couldn't stop my mind from reaching into the deepest, darkest, personal fears, insecurities, inevitabilities. It took a full thirty minutes for the Xanax to start to come on. A very BAD thirty minutes.
I got back to bed, shaky and unsure, but drugged into drowsiness. I woke up at 5:00 and took my Riba, staggered back to bed and finally awoke at 6:15. All I could think of was "What the F_ _ K was that all about.!.!.!"
I gathered my self up and got off to work and had a pretty confident, productive day. No more Xanax through the day but did take another one at 9:00 p.m. to ensure a sound sleep tonight.
So in my previous journal I said that "If you don't know some things are possible then maybe they wont happen........see if that theory holds water..". Well I don't think it's holding much water right know.!.!
I called the Clinic and told them all about it and all I got was "Hmmm, thats interesting" "I'm sure it's tx related, not much we can do for you there but we have made a note of it." I kind of knew that was coming but hey, at least I'm in their notes L.O.L.
Time to get out of that "ignorance is bliss" mode of "cant see it, cant hurt me" And put on that old Boy Scout uniform and start "Being prepared". Because ANYTHING IS POSSIBLE"
I know that I like to keep these journals positive and lite but THIS is just raw facts and not meant to scare. It is meant to inform me and others that each sx IS survivable. Just try to understand what happens, not why.
Little shaky but still standing and staying with it.
Replies
OMGoodness, what a scarey expierience, I hate that you are going through this my friend. I admire you so much, you are so giving of yourself to share this with others. Remember, that you are never alone Tim. Your strength is amazing... Sending much love and a huge BEAR HUG
My poor friend :(.......I am so sorry that happened to you and I think if I remember I wrote in my journal about a similar experience..I, like you am trying my best to be positive and I still am but one still needs to be prepared for what that poison can do to your body and mind....We are strong so don\'t worry...we\'re gonna get there!!!!
Its common, That started happening to me around week 10ish. U did the right thing, take a xanax. ALWAYS ALWAYS keep them nearby, no matter where u r. I have a little silver thing on my keychain and keep 2 in there for when I am away from home.
U r right in not reading too much into the sides, outta sight outta mind, but u do need to educate urself on what can possibly happen and \"tuck it away and don\'t think twice about what u just read\". Don\'t go on overkill w/reading too much, but then again, most of us are just sharing our personal experiences w/each other cuz all the docs say is HMM.... Like they\'re playing that song \"things that make u go Hmmmm\".
Don\'t get scared, but just know after I got a few panic attacks (which is a horrible way to wake up) I started getting the creepiest nightmares. I could actually get up, go pee and go back to bed and the nightmare would CONTINUE!!!!!!!!! Then came the vivid real feeling nightmares, where I would feel animals on my body, things around me, just creepy shit.
I followed Q\'s advice and now before bed, I drink a cup of cammomile tea then follow it w/a cup of Celestial Seasonings Sleepytime tea made w/3-4 teabags. Yes, 3-4. I also started taking melatonin a few hours before bed, which is something our body naturally produces, and the nighmares and panic attacks rarely arise anymore.
In the beginning I liked to keep my journals positive, but found I do better by stating what\'s on my mind and letting it GO! Like a balloon into the sky. What helps more, is to keep repeating positive daily affirmations and keep them in ur mind all day!
Ignorance is stupid!!! Learn, then FILE IT AWAY my friend. I know u won\'t dwell on things, but knowledge is power! If u want my phone number, PM me, in case u have a mid night scary episode. I\'m on week 25 and have been thru most of it and got so tired of the docs saying \"hmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm\".
I always said this is like being on one long acid trip!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
PS others got so bad they thought they were having a heart attack and ambulance was called...... U were smart to take X and ride it out.
Hugs............ When the monkeys start operating on u, and u visualized them actually cutting u open, just know it\'s the meds!!!!! lol.. TRUTH!
PS my point was, try the tea and melatonin............... i now have nice dreams and only wake up to tinkle for the most part!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! It\'s all natural, can\'t hurt! Peace out~
iam sorry this happened to u and i pray it won\'t again i hate the nighttime now anyways and the dark, i sleep with the t.v on and sometimes a light in the hallway. do what carol says she always has good advice. glad u shared and i wish there was something i could do to help u if i was there i would try to tell u a joke, or sing your fav song anything to remind u tht it is not real just keepsaying its not real its the meds its not real. xanax is a life saver my friend. keep on keeping on. the docs don\'t know no one knows i don\'t even know having not experienced what u or the other on tx have. sleep well my friend tonight, this is what i wish and pray on for u. u know i am a big scaredy cat myself, but know that i am here for u, my friend