Thursday morning,hot and humid outside

Good morning journal,the time is now 8:43am and I have been awake for less than an hour.The day outside is already hot and humid,not the best environment for easy breathing,but at the moment I'm doing okay,first mug of coffee to hand and the silence of my deafness without my "bionic ears" is comforting in an odd sort of way.Last Tuesday,I attended the COPD clinic at my doctors office,I found out after seven tries on the spirometer machine that my lung age is fifty eight,which is a happy coincidence as that is precisely how old the rest of me is,I like it when things don't get complicated.I then asked the nurse why I was having trouble breathing even with the help of my inhalers,and she ventured a guess that the hot July weather could be a primary cause if not the main one.I then asked about additional methods that could help,her answer?,"I'll have a word with the doctor but we don't really give people who have lung readings that match their actual age the next step up in treatment",huh?,I guess what she was trying to say is that at that particular time of the day,right that second,my lungs were working okay,so let's not waste any more medical equipment or additional drugs that might help me feel better when I'm struggling in the middle of the night for a breath,or gasping in the morning trying to take in enough air to stop panicking.I asked about the results of my x-ray test I had done at the local health center in town,"it doesn't seem to have gotten back to us yet",she replied,what,after nearly two weeks?,"that's not unusual",she said,"it normally takes at least two weeks to get to us,ask the doctor next week". She then decided to carry out an electro cardiograph examination on me as my heart rate was "a worrying 123 beats per minute",to use her own charming vernacular,first test?,123 beats a minute,"I'll just do another one while I've got you hooked up",she smiled,second test?,106 beats per minute,"there you go",she said,"it's beginning to settle,good boy". As I laid on the examination table,still half expecting a pat on the head for being a good boy,I decided to ask about my diabetes and whether I should be monitoring my self at home because for the last couple of months my blood sugar count had been very high,hence the introduction of the drug metformin into my daily routine,her answer?,"no,no,we wouldn't want you worrying unnecessarily,we're not on target yet,but it is coming down". I was beginning to wonder how she knew that as nobody had thought to test me in weeks,perhaps she could test my levels now?,"no need,that will be done at your next diabetic clinic appointment",I asked her what particular appointment she meant as I had nothing in my diary about such an occasion,"oh they'll contact you when they need to",said she merrily,well that's okay then,hopefully they will make said contact before I keel over in a diabetic coma.My blood pressure was 110/67,"a bit on the low side,but better than being too high",she murmured,and on the scales I weighed in at 57.5kg,my SATS were a somewhat mystifying 96%,and with that she unhooked me and sent me on my way.My last question to her before departing was why am I still very dizzy upon rising,sometimes so much so that I have to hold onto items of furniture until my head clears,her answer?,"your getting up too fast,get up slower",and with that I gave up trying and left.Sometimes I get the feeling that whenever I try to tell people how I'm feeling it goes straight over their heads,either that or they just aren't listening at all,perhaps it's me,am I not explaining myself properly?,have I lost the ability to put into words aspects of any concerns I might have?,who knows?,anyway,it's a moot point for now as once again I came away thinking I had failed in some way. This morning,sitting here now,there is a feeling of resignation within me,things are becoming much worse financially and bills just aren't getting paid on time,that's if they get paid at all,and I cannot see that changing any time soon,my wife does her best with the money there is,it's just that what there is is a long way short of being enough.We continue to pray on matters and ask the Lord to intercede on our behalf,and our faith is a comfort to us,but faith alone does not pay bills or put food on the table so we go from day to day grateful for the little we have,we can do no more,only Jesus can help us now.well journal,it is time for me to be gone from here,until the next time,may the Lord look upon us with favor,and may He continue to walk with us this day.