Thursday

Work was busier today despite I came in early to make up time for Dr's appt tommorow.  I've been extremely tired the last two days.  I was on line this morning for a tubing/camping location to plan on going to when the state parks are fully open here.  

I feel like I've been on a track and everythings so fast that I can hardly slow down and take a breath-don't get me wrong, I'm grateful to have been working all this time but, with everything else I just feel overwhelmed.  I have all on my mid and weighing options.  I just don't know what to do.  But, I do think that I need to make a decision and stick with it.  I'm not going to marry Joe after what i've seen of him.  Yesterday, I went and put all my cash in savings and turned that card onto Lock so that in the event it might be stolen, then the card would be useless. 

Yesterday when I went home, I could tell he was sorry for the way he acted, however, I don't want to stay if this keeps happening and it will eventually.  I think he's so far gone that he'll never stop drinking.  I haven't had a drink in a few months and don't even crave nor want to go the the bars.  I think this is what will be the ultimate deal breaker for Joe and I.  He'll find himself drinking alone and he even said those words yesterday "It's no fun drinking alone", after I told him I didn't want to drink anymore.  Then he brought up the times that I would be at the bar and sending him pictures-those were the times when I was miserable and feeling alone at Roomies but after a few sick moments with my head in the toilet-I made my mind up I didn't want to drink anymore.

I think Joe fell in love with the drinker I was because he knew if I drank too then we'd be miserable together.  I don't want to be miserable anymore so I drink no more.  I don't feel like the time is very far off..I'll be at flight once again.