Thursday 1/23/2014
9:38am
So yesterday afternoon the pain was acting up. I mixed the two meds and after a few hours it seemed to settle to a mild pain. I have no idea if the meds helped or if its just the stupid up/down this thing does...God I hate this.
Anyway, last night and this morning (so far) the pain is very mild. Will it last? Who the hell knows.
Work wise the testing upgrade install is at 1pm. Hopefully it goes smooth and I can test the rest of today and tomorrow. I'm hoping there are no bugs so I can push this thing into production next week. Feels like I've been working on this forever but there were holidays and vacation days and anxiety/depression days from Hell over the last several months so I guess that's why it feels so long. My next project is just plain stupid but whatever they want.
I'm going to drag my arse to lift at lunch today. Zero motivation with the weather and even though I slept I still feel a bit tired. I don't have to do much just some light back and shoulder work.
Tomorrow I need to hit the grocery store and gas station. I should have gone today but I just can't drag myself out the door today. It's just too nasty out. Tomorrow is going to be freezing to but at least it's Friday and all I have to do is test tomorrow. I'll have to force myself to do cardio tomorrow too. It's been well over a week. This happens in the winter. I can push myself to lift but not cardio. In the spring I can at least run around the lake. Of course my knees usually limit that but even if I just walk at least I get outside.
I need another cup of coffee...just can't wake up this morning.
12:36pm
So I verified the install files and the install is supposed to happen at 1pm but they are ALWAYS late! I don't care with testing but they do that bullshit in production and it causes people to have to wait. Anywho, I started looking at that LH project...ugh. Oh well, it will at least keep me busy I just hope it isn't another dead end. I hate wasting my time and the companies time but it's their decision.
I did back and shoulders today and it felt pretty good. The chronic pain has, so far, been very mild. It's nice to feel almost human even if its just for a few hours at a time. Right now I just want to maintain my weight and try to keep moving even if its just a short, low intensity workout. It's typical this time of year so that's fine. I will get back to it in the Spring as long as I can keep my brain stable. FU chronic pain! You can't take everything away from me!
I'm hoping my friends mom gets better soon. I don't want to call her because he said she can't talk to well right now. Hopefully this weekend.
I need to go through all this stupid mail. How did I get some much this week? Mostly junk but I need to send my home insurance stuff in to get a small refund. My new video game is silly but fun. I'll play that tonight for a few hours. It helps me focus on something else which is nice.
I will probably schedule a therapy session in the next few weeks depending on my level of pain. If it stays low (praying to God is will) then maybe I can get something done. I just don't want to pay for therapy and end up whining about my chronic pain. I do want to talk to him about my lack of faith in the future.
I'm just feeling like there is nothing to look forward to other then maybe having this nerve pain finally settle down to a tolerable level or go away all together. I used to always have something to look forward to until the last 5 years.
Since then it was just one tragic event after another. They say everything changes but in the past 5 years every change has been a bad change. I some point you just give up hope for anything positive in the future. I know that is negative thinking but life is like the ocean and every time I put my toe in the water for the past 5 years something keeps biting it so I just stay on the beach wondering if it will ever be safe to swim again. Sill I know but that's kind of how I see it. Everyone playing in the ocean while I sit on the beach afraid of Jaws.
The sad thing is my analogy is also my reality. I use to love the ocean when I was young. Now I get my ass kicked by one wave and I'm done. Funny how life works.
Anyway, back to the grind...
So yesterday afternoon the pain was acting up. I mixed the two meds and after a few hours it seemed to settle to a mild pain. I have no idea if the meds helped or if its just the stupid up/down this thing does...God I hate this.
Anyway, last night and this morning (so far) the pain is very mild. Will it last? Who the hell knows.
Work wise the testing upgrade install is at 1pm. Hopefully it goes smooth and I can test the rest of today and tomorrow. I'm hoping there are no bugs so I can push this thing into production next week. Feels like I've been working on this forever but there were holidays and vacation days and anxiety/depression days from Hell over the last several months so I guess that's why it feels so long. My next project is just plain stupid but whatever they want.
I'm going to drag my arse to lift at lunch today. Zero motivation with the weather and even though I slept I still feel a bit tired. I don't have to do much just some light back and shoulder work.
Tomorrow I need to hit the grocery store and gas station. I should have gone today but I just can't drag myself out the door today. It's just too nasty out. Tomorrow is going to be freezing to but at least it's Friday and all I have to do is test tomorrow. I'll have to force myself to do cardio tomorrow too. It's been well over a week. This happens in the winter. I can push myself to lift but not cardio. In the spring I can at least run around the lake. Of course my knees usually limit that but even if I just walk at least I get outside.
I need another cup of coffee...just can't wake up this morning.
12:36pm
So I verified the install files and the install is supposed to happen at 1pm but they are ALWAYS late! I don't care with testing but they do that bullshit in production and it causes people to have to wait. Anywho, I started looking at that LH project...ugh. Oh well, it will at least keep me busy I just hope it isn't another dead end. I hate wasting my time and the companies time but it's their decision.
I did back and shoulders today and it felt pretty good. The chronic pain has, so far, been very mild. It's nice to feel almost human even if its just for a few hours at a time. Right now I just want to maintain my weight and try to keep moving even if its just a short, low intensity workout. It's typical this time of year so that's fine. I will get back to it in the Spring as long as I can keep my brain stable. FU chronic pain! You can't take everything away from me!
I'm hoping my friends mom gets better soon. I don't want to call her because he said she can't talk to well right now. Hopefully this weekend.
I need to go through all this stupid mail. How did I get some much this week? Mostly junk but I need to send my home insurance stuff in to get a small refund. My new video game is silly but fun. I'll play that tonight for a few hours. It helps me focus on something else which is nice.
I will probably schedule a therapy session in the next few weeks depending on my level of pain. If it stays low (praying to God is will) then maybe I can get something done. I just don't want to pay for therapy and end up whining about my chronic pain. I do want to talk to him about my lack of faith in the future.
I'm just feeling like there is nothing to look forward to other then maybe having this nerve pain finally settle down to a tolerable level or go away all together. I used to always have something to look forward to until the last 5 years.
Since then it was just one tragic event after another. They say everything changes but in the past 5 years every change has been a bad change. I some point you just give up hope for anything positive in the future. I know that is negative thinking but life is like the ocean and every time I put my toe in the water for the past 5 years something keeps biting it so I just stay on the beach wondering if it will ever be safe to swim again. Sill I know but that's kind of how I see it. Everyone playing in the ocean while I sit on the beach afraid of Jaws.
The sad thing is my analogy is also my reality. I use to love the ocean when I was young. Now I get my ass kicked by one wave and I'm done. Funny how life works.
Anyway, back to the grind...
Replies
You are so amazing. You go through all this crap and manage to be there for literally everyone around you in such a positive loving way. Things are getting better. This med is going to keep your pain level at least down until it goes away. That\'s been my happy focus for the last week. It wouldn\'t dare let me down. Hang on to the thought that it is better than it was, You have something that is helping today. If you will try to concentrate on the good baby steps I will promise you I will start making some! I wouldn\'t promise that to anyone else. You are strong in every way. I know you will beat all of these problems.