Three Years

It's weird to think that three years ago, huz's affair was in full swing and I was oblivious.  It was almost exactly three years ago that I confronted him about adding the OW to his Facebook friends when he so adamantly had kept work/private life separate until then.  "She's just someone from work," he said.  "It's nothing, I just did it so she'd stop bugging me about it."
I feel stupid for not having listened to my gut.
We have come so far from them, but there are still little things that hurt so much - like some scar tissue that builds up over a nerve... you know how it just hurts so much when you touch it just wrong?  You're just going alone fine and dandy and all is well and then boom, something presses on that nerve and the pain is so electric it feels like when you first were wounded...
Things for the most part have been good.  The last time I went back to our old house, I was a wreck.  I hadn't realized how VERY toxic it was to be there.  It's no wonder I could never really fully heal.  Getting away from there and the triggers and the proximity of the OW has been very healing.
I hate the fact that we only get half of the week together, but I also am aware to count my blessings that he's not overseas or in another state where we wouldn't even get THAT much time together.  I hate that he's still near OW during half the week.  It bugs me when he doesn't drop everything to call me the second he gets home from work.  It drives me batty when he goes off the GPS radar during the day.  But... it does mean that the time we do get is concentrated time where he makes concerted efforts to spend time together.
That's still so rocky.  I just can't get a good groove down.  He shows up after being gone for four days and is kissy-lovey-touchy-feely, and me?  I'm withdrawn.  I've been living ALONE and finding ways to manage my own feelings and needs and to have him just jump face first into my rhythms and patterns is just disconcerting and disruptive.  It doesn't WORK.  I'm not good at just welcoming him back in, because I know in just a couple of short days he'll be leaving again and I'll be back to dealing with everything on my own.
It also doesn't help that he's still flailing when it comes to meeting MY needs.  He'd be quite thrilled if I stripped my clothes off and jumped on him the second he got home, but as I've said, I'm withdrawn.  I need coaxing.  I need "warming up" as it were.  But he's tired... he's driven 3+ hours to get here after being at work for 13+ hours.  Sigh.  By the time day 2 rolls around, he's distancing himself because I've distanced myself and he's trying to respect my wishes.  But that's exactly opposite of what I need.
And me? Yeah.  I'm a total failure as far as trying to explain to him what I need.  Yes, I can say, "I need you to woo me... romance and hearts and flowers..." But that means nothing to him.  And telling him flat out, "Could you please surprise me with a card waxing poetic about how much you've missed me and how much you need me as soon as you walk in the door after driving 3+ hours..." well.  It's not exactly a surprise then and it doesn't exactly feel sincere. 
I honestly thought after finding out about the official transfer list being released that Oct. 1 would be a possibility for this separation to end and for us to get into a routine together, but Huz's outlook is FAR less optimistic.  The way he talks, it sounds like Nov. 1 may be about as good as it'll get.  I don't know if I can handle this for another seven weeks.  Sigh.  (Duh, of course I can, but I don't wanna!!)
Three years, I remind myself.  Three years.  If I can survive the last three (some parts very horrific!) years, I can survive another couple of months.