Three years

Dec 30,2009 the date my world fell apart...as I lay here writing in my journal in the beauty of Smith Mountain Lake, the winds outside are howling, the trees swaying to the air flowing flowing through the naked trees (trees with no leaves) I ponder where has the three years gone and could it really have been that long since I looked into my beautiful sons face.  We have continued forward aw something I would never have thought I could. Yet here I am three years older and even as hard as I tried to change what had happened that dreadful day, much like today with the clouds hanging overhead, i could not change. The tears flowed as rushing waterfalls, yet I could not control  just as that dat three years ago, I found I control very little and as hard as is was as a mom to want to control my sons cancer, to take it away for him to fix it this time i needed to fix a very big BooBoo but it was out of my control. Now three years later I can still love him,miss him and wish but i now know it was never in my hands i was given to take care of to watch over, to fix the booboos I and to love him as much as a mother's love could and that was what I did right up to that night three years ago I held tightly to his hand as he drew his last breath and took his step back home from which he had been loaned to me I have not lost him, he is with me everyday and when I feel the brush of air touching my hand or I see the number 3 i knw he is with me on this journey walking beside me, giving me the strenght to carry on. Yes Ken is with me every baby step I take. I love you my son and today if you happn to be close to the hills of VA you might just look up and see bunches of white balloons flying their way to the Heavens as a Tribute to a wonderful son. Rest my sweet son in the arms of Jesus. Forever you mom. #3