Three Day's without crying all day
Hi all, Well this has been a step I guess. I have not cried all day and night now for three days. Oh I have cried and miss my son so much, but not all day. Also, I am working on not reliving each moment those last three months he was alive. Maybe I am making some progress. This site has helped in so many ways. I have met so many nice people on here willing to listen. That within itself is a blessing. But sometime I cry when I don't know that I am going to , like last night I walked in church and there came the tears. But that is okay. I know my son would not want me to be sad. I just can't believe he is gone. Will I ever get to the point to think about him without the horrible pain in my chest. maybe when I meet him again in Heaven.
My son Kenny was a wonderful wonderful son. Yes there were things he did I didn't like but he loved me right up to the end. He mouthed the words love you as his heart stopped. He was my first born. We sorta grew up together. I was barely 17 when he was born. He has 3 brothers and they are all so fun to be with. They all have really great jobs and lives. I live in fear of losing another son hope I don't.
Kenny really showed others his love of God. Even the day before he left us for Heaven, he could talk (the vent) but was able to convey that he wanted his wife to go pray with the family in the next ICU unit as their family member had passed away. He thought of others and he knew God can help. I hope he is enjoying Heaven, well I know he is. I can't wait till we are all together again when that time comes.
For now, I just keep existing and trying to work through my pain.
Sandi
My son Kenny was a wonderful wonderful son. Yes there were things he did I didn't like but he loved me right up to the end. He mouthed the words love you as his heart stopped. He was my first born. We sorta grew up together. I was barely 17 when he was born. He has 3 brothers and they are all so fun to be with. They all have really great jobs and lives. I live in fear of losing another son hope I don't.
Kenny really showed others his love of God. Even the day before he left us for Heaven, he could talk (the vent) but was able to convey that he wanted his wife to go pray with the family in the next ICU unit as their family member had passed away. He thought of others and he knew God can help. I hope he is enjoying Heaven, well I know he is. I can't wait till we are all together again when that time comes.
For now, I just keep existing and trying to work through my pain.
Sandi
Replies
Kenny sounds like a wonderful man...and it is so precious that he was thinking of others when he was so sick. There will come a time when you can focus more on your three sons lives and less on the absence of Kenny. But you will always have a hole in your heart that longs for Kenny to be here with you. We, as Christians, know that he is in heaven and is well...but we, as moms, just want them here with us....and that is normal and that is okay. I am glad that you have had some days with moments without tears...those days will increase....one day you may not cry at all. This is the hardest thing you will ever do...but you will make it...you love all your children, so you some how you find the strength to put one foot in front of the other...love to you...Karen
yes, a wonderful son indeed, and you were a great mom, too, you were thr for him, till the very end, Im sure this did give him much confort, just like when he asked you guys to go pray forthe other family,.. that too, came from mom\'s love,.. you did such a fantastic job, withhim,.. hes only thoughts , were to confort another, this truly is, a moms love, at work,.. i believe, im thinking of you, and wishing you a smile, on your face,.. if only a small one, for a short time, its a start, and we can build on it,.. now i have tears, on my face, but good tears,..none the less, your friend,Dave
My heart breaks for you darling friend. I am so very sorry. Yes, Kenny is a wonderful soul! So full of love and compassion, it\'s so obvious. You will find, as you continue your journey, you will have days without any tears at all, and then, seemingly out of the blue, you will sob uncontrollably. It is a long and hard process trying to come to terms with the passing of a child. I\'ve been a member of this group for three years now and have certainly made huge changes. The love and support here is incredible. I\'d like to offer my friendship and heart as we take one day at a time together. Peace and love to you, Teri.
Thanks to everyone for your responses to my journal. I hope the best for all of you.
I love you my son Kenny,mom. Sandi
Thank you for sharing a little of Kenny with us. What a wonderful son to have concern for others when they too were in a difficult situation. Be honored that you raised such a fine man. I too have three other boys and am fearful of losing another. In time, we are able to trust life again and not leat that fear consume our thoughts. Enjoy your boys and honor Kenny by living and being happy. The tears will come again but they will also subside. Be patient. Here for you. Thanks for the friendship. Love Robin
What a huge heart Kenny has. Caring about others. This journey is so fresh and raw and we are all companions walking hand in hand. I have learned so much in the short time that I have been here just want you to know that you are not alone. We all speak this language of grief and loss and you are among friends. Thank you for your heart felt entry. Hugs, Joanie
Just know that every day the moms here are here waiting to share your day and support you in any way you need. hugs j
Thanks you to everyone who read my journal. Yes Kenny was a very very special person, not just as my son but as someone who cared for his family, his wife, his children, his granddaughter and the ganddaughter that is not born yet. Kenny gave his life serving God and others. He cared for everyone and tried to help them through life. He loved me that I know for sure. He was my first born. Kenny would go out of his way to help others up to the day when he never woke up again. I love you my son, Kenny, Mom/Sandi