Thoughts... serious... and Otherwise...

A couple of things I wanted to share this morning...  First the serious...
 
So a friend shared an article on grief recovery I wanted to share my thoughts with yall on it... The person who wrote the article had basically broken down the steps for grief recovering into 5 steps... the first 4 for me made sense... the 5th... not so much...
This is kind of what I broke it down to... Some Steps In Recovery. First: Put your child in God’s hands each day. Second: Don’t expect to heal.  Accept that the pain is now a part of your life.  Third:  There is no going back, but there is no finish line either. The experience, with all its emotional components, remains with us all our lives. The fourth insight was this: gratitude for the life of my child.  Don’t cry because its over, smile because it happened.  That one basically reminds me to hang on to my gratefulness for the good… that my baby was part of my life for all the days she was.  No I do not like that it had to end…  As bad as I hurt I would choose to do it again even if I knew in advance how it would end… Would I change it if I could… Definitely.  We all would… but even if I knew that I could not change the ending… I would choose to have my child… for my own sake… and yes even for hers… There were a lot of good moments… Blessed moments for she and I… Oh how I love the memory of those moments.  How I thank God for those moments with Cara… Yes I am grateful. The fifth, ( each day we can point ourselves towards the vision we hold of RECOVERY and have the faith that one day we will GET THERE... ) I don't like this fifth step...  It negates the second and thrid steps as stated...  I accepted some time back that the pain is a part of my life...  I chose to recognize that while the pain is a part of my life the joy of having had my chidl for however many or few days is something I would choose to do again...  I don't expect to GET THERE...  Anyway... that's my thoughts...  I'm looking forward to reading what yall think on this...  For me there is no right or wrong way to heal... Healing for me in so much as it will occur is an ongoing process... Accepting that this is so is part of my healing and what I would choose to share with other moms...
I'm reminded of some lines from a song by Patty Loveless'
"How Do I Help You To Say Goodbye...  Its okay to hurt... and its okay to cry...   and another line from the song... no matter how much we think there's just no way in those earliest days of hurting.... "time will ease your pain" Sometimes the pain is so bad... this doesn't seem true but it does... or maybe I just got better able to accept that the pain is part of my life now... 
 
and now... a smile...
 
The Government has issued a travel warning due to the cold weather.   They suggest that anyone traveling in the current icy conditions should make sure they have the following:    Shovel    Blankets Or Sleeping Bag    Extra Clothing Including Hat And Gloves    24 Hours Worth Of Food    De-Icer    Rock Salt    Flashlight With Spare Batteries    Road Flares Or Reflective Triangles    Full Spare Gas Can    First Aid Kit    Booster Cables   I looked like an idiot on the bus this morning... 
 
From the sublime to the ridiculous.... Yall I have to laugh... its in my nature...  Brings a memory to mind... Cara loved a good laugh and we shared a bunch of them...  Thank You God  I can almost hear Cara saying... and what about me... where's my thanks... Thank You Cara... I love you... every minute... every day...
 

Replies

lynette22
lynette22

I agree with you! I loved ending it with a chuckle and thanks to Cara for all the laughter, joy and love she gives to you. I would do it all over again too, thank you Matthew for all the great moments! Thanks for reminding me what to be thankful for. Hugs and love, Lynette ~ Matthews mom
RememberKala
RememberKala

hmmmm.....regarding the 5th....

\"each day we can point ourselves toward the vision we hold of recovery and have the faith that one day we will get there\"...

OK, so I see your point, but I think I see it another way too. Everyone\'s vision of recovery is different. Mine is certainly different than that of many of my family members! \"MY\" vision of what MY recovery is, is in fact carrying this pain for the rest of my life. My \"getting\" there is my acceptance of this fact and my willingness, and even eagerness, to live life to the fullest while carrying this pain. I don\'t necessarily think this negates the previous 4, I just think \"getting there\" can mean so many different things to different people. It can never mean not missing my Kala. It can never mean not hurting because she\'s no longer in flesh on earth. But to a great sense, I am there.....I am where I am today, and that\'s \"there\"....right?? If someone\'s personal vision of what recovery means is that they no longer ache for their child, I fear they will forever be challenged by an inability to BE.

My vision of recovery includes my tears, my smiles, my memories, my pain, and my joys of being Kala\'s momma for all of eternity. My vision of my recovery is me, doing the best I can every day, and truly being thankful for the days past as well as the day at hand, and the days yet to come. Yep, I think I\'m \"there\"....

Thank you for writing this and making me think this morning. Oh, and yes, thank you too Cara!!!!