Thoughts on My Sister

Reflecting on boundaries.  “Mirroring” rather than “sponging”; acknowledging the facts of what is being said without defending/denying/etc.  Something I need to work on…  One thing she sometimes does along the invalidating vein is to bring up something stupid I might have done years ago (like 20, 30 years ago!!).  Of course, it can’t be denied, but for the future, I’ve been thinking of a response like, “Gosh, that was 20 years ago.  I’m glad it’s not now!”  or “I’m glad I grew out of that!”  God only knows what she’d respond with, but at least (for me) I’m putting things in their proper perspective.  On this topic of invalidating, though, she mainly does it when we’re around other family members.  Very occasionally one-on-one.  Never in front of “outsiders”.  Maybe she’s trying to establish rank in the family?  Personally, I don’t care if she’s #1.  But #1 does not mean the “only”.  I do exist, and I do have feelings. On a completely separate note, I’ve been a little worried about her emotional state lately.  I know it’s triggered by our dad’s death this past summer.  I think (though I absolutely can’t prove) that she’s drinking more than usual, for one.  Just yesterday we were FB-chatting & she asked me what I thought about how Christmas went.  But she asked me the same exact thing (again, via FB-chat) just a couple days ago.  Either (a) she completely forgot she asked me, or (b) she wanted to see if my “take” on it had changed (though it didn’t sound that way).  That’s just 1 example though.  I think that emotionally, she may be taking on more than she ought to be (hard to explain thoroughly).  I think I need to talk to her (when I’m sure she’ll be not drinking) & just let her know if she needs to talk, I’m here.  I think she knows that already, but perhaps it just needs to be said.