Thoughts of Suicide Are Becoming More Attractive

The last few months have been very difficult ones for me to deal with.  I have been inundated with a mass of unexpected illnesses, hospitalizations, various kinds of physical therapy, problems with transportation, and having to pay out of my pocket for new antibiotics.  All of these things, and more, have left me increasingly depressed.  And I have not even mentioned working on family ties, which is probably the worst of all of my problems.   There have been many times lately, when I have returned to the question of why I'm still living.  I am no longer at that point where I really want to be alive, yet I still do not quite have the courage to take my own life.   I am afraid of what will happen to me if more things to not start going better in my life in the very near future.  I do not want to continue living with the extreme amount of stress that I have been undergoing in recent weeks.   None of this means that I am in the process of making suicidal plans.  I'm just trying to say that the idea of doing so is not as far away from my mind as it used to be.