Thoughts like waves

I met with a woman about my age today who has had a brain tumor for 3 years or so... a really feisty person. She would do ANYTHING to squeeze another day out of life... has been almost dead twice, had three surgeries, a bone flap infection, about 8 different chemo regimens, you name it.
Sometimes I feel terrible that we didn't fight harder for Andy to at least have more time. I think we knew however that the end was coming and we made the choice to let him live the last month without chemo, to go for quality of life... our doctor's very heartfelt advice.  Still... it was a hard and horrible choice...
It was really HIS choice to make but we had to make it for him because he couldn't really understand all the complexities and risks.  I just hope he never misunderstood the choice we were making, and felt like we were giving up because he wasn't worth fighting for.
 He was. He was. He was. So worth anything and everything we could do for him. Did he know this? Boo hoo. Very boo hoo hoo.
These thoughts overwhelm me... while I'm trying to work...... :"(