Thoughts for something new

I have not been on DS in so long that when I logged in again it almost seemed new but then I remembered all the reasons why I came here in the first place. I have gotten much better then what I was a few years back but some thoughts still haunt me.My real reason for doing this is to give my mind a place to let go of some of the things that have been plaguing it for quit some time. Although I have some new reasons for my return I also feel strange like a foreigner in his own country. I don't know how to describe it, its like I want to belong and be with those I know and trust but I feel like my efforts are useless.Even though I know there are people who "care" and "love me" sometimes I am not convinced that they are sure what they are saying to me.Besides for my addiction I just posted about a few minutes ago and my pains from low self esteem/depression I am now slowly being convinced I might have an addiction to video games as well even though I have cut back on my total hours I play per day. When I do play I feel like sometimes that just turning on my pc or 360 is more then what I should do.I also am concerned I might know enough to know that I don't Know enough to do anything about it. Trapped is one word to describe how I've felt for the last year.