Thoughts and Prayers
I lost my son and I'm sad, but I am not wondering who took him or why. If there is a force of goodness in the universe and we call it God, I believe that this God would be with us whenever we act in love. There is nothing that can prevent sickness or accidents or even death... I don't think prayer can affect outcome... but I know that love can heal the heart.
Tonight I read a Caringbridge website of a little girl name Kate McRae with a brain tumor... things are looking grim... and the family is calling for prayer that she will be healed. It breaks my heart because she's going to die and everyone is going to feel sad like their prayers were not answered or they didn't pray hard enough. Kate is wondering why Jesus doesn't save her. What kind of religion is this that makes little girls feel like their prayers are not answered? That she is not worthy? In reality, the millions of prayers for Kate were all messages of love... because that's all they can be. And they ARE successful... not at healing cancer but at supporting Kate and her family with love.
I was a fierce mama tiger about Andy... from the day he was born. I didn't want him to get jabbed and stabbed and spinal tapped unless I was there to protect him. When he had cancer, I didn't want anyone to make him feel like survival was a question of attitude... that people who WANT to live and know how to pray are the ones who do... this is just another myth that breaks people's hearts every day. If the lucky people who did beat cancer could simply give thanks without taking credit for having some kind of superior spirit, it would really help those who succumb (despite passionate desire for life) to not feel like failures.
I'm thinking about these things in a different way and hope I won't offend anyone. I don't mind if we look at things very differently... in fact I honor that. I have an abstract understanding of love and energy and I keep trying to find words for it... ways to say that I care about spirit but that there are certain kinds of prayer that look like an exercise in guaranteed sorrow to me. If I'm going to pray it's not going to be for stuff, or outcome, or change. All I can pray for is my own ability to let go and let love guide me. All the love I feel for Andy is a daily prayer, a beautiful prayer of thanksgiving for the time I had with him, for the goodness that was in him, for the peace in his heart at the end.
It's been so good to be in correspondence with other FMOers the last few days... writing about how we seek truth, enlightenment. Lots of good poems, lots of quotes, lots of ideas. I will share some quotes about prayer, below... again just my POV...
Peace, Sarah
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"Prayer invites God to be present in our spirits and in our lives. Prayer cannot bring water to parched land, nor mend a broken bridge, or rebuild a ruined city, but prayer can water an arid soul, mend a broken heart, and rebuild a weakened will."
-- Rabbi Abraham Heschel
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"Prayer doesn't change things -- prayer changes people, and people change things."
-- Rev. Lon Ray Call
Tonight I read a Caringbridge website of a little girl name Kate McRae with a brain tumor... things are looking grim... and the family is calling for prayer that she will be healed. It breaks my heart because she's going to die and everyone is going to feel sad like their prayers were not answered or they didn't pray hard enough. Kate is wondering why Jesus doesn't save her. What kind of religion is this that makes little girls feel like their prayers are not answered? That she is not worthy? In reality, the millions of prayers for Kate were all messages of love... because that's all they can be. And they ARE successful... not at healing cancer but at supporting Kate and her family with love.
I was a fierce mama tiger about Andy... from the day he was born. I didn't want him to get jabbed and stabbed and spinal tapped unless I was there to protect him. When he had cancer, I didn't want anyone to make him feel like survival was a question of attitude... that people who WANT to live and know how to pray are the ones who do... this is just another myth that breaks people's hearts every day. If the lucky people who did beat cancer could simply give thanks without taking credit for having some kind of superior spirit, it would really help those who succumb (despite passionate desire for life) to not feel like failures.
I'm thinking about these things in a different way and hope I won't offend anyone. I don't mind if we look at things very differently... in fact I honor that. I have an abstract understanding of love and energy and I keep trying to find words for it... ways to say that I care about spirit but that there are certain kinds of prayer that look like an exercise in guaranteed sorrow to me. If I'm going to pray it's not going to be for stuff, or outcome, or change. All I can pray for is my own ability to let go and let love guide me. All the love I feel for Andy is a daily prayer, a beautiful prayer of thanksgiving for the time I had with him, for the goodness that was in him, for the peace in his heart at the end.
It's been so good to be in correspondence with other FMOers the last few days... writing about how we seek truth, enlightenment. Lots of good poems, lots of quotes, lots of ideas. I will share some quotes about prayer, below... again just my POV...
Peace, Sarah
===============================
"Prayer invites God to be present in our spirits and in our lives. Prayer cannot bring water to parched land, nor mend a broken bridge, or rebuild a ruined city, but prayer can water an arid soul, mend a broken heart, and rebuild a weakened will."
-- Rabbi Abraham Heschel
================================
"Prayer doesn't change things -- prayer changes people, and people change things."
-- Rev. Lon Ray Call
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