Thoughts

So it may seem weird to ask but what are your thoughts. Not literally but what are thoughts. They can control you, they depcit your very judgement. So here are my thoughts.... I consistnely think about what i have done wrong, i think about what i could have done right. I think why this, why that, why me, why not let this happen to someone else. After looking back at majority of my life I realized i let my thougths control my life. Overthinking about what people think about me. I used to think how can i make more people like me so I can like myself. The most replayed memory in life is the day I finally meet my dad, crazy how a interaction that lasted less than 10 minutes changed my outlook on life. I realized then that it is better to live life caring less about others feelings and more about my own. The very man I wanted to meet all my childhood turned his back onme and in turn made me turn my back on everyone else. This led to almost every decision in my life not caring how someone felt or how it affected other around me. It wasnt until my thoughts and actions almost cost me my children and my fiance that I realized i had to control not only what I do but more importantly what I think. To control your actions takes strength of your body, but to control your thoughts takes strength of your mind. Of course this was not easy and still now i struggle but I can say that when i do struggle I can control my actions and not let my thoughts take control. I believe everyone struggles in one way or another. Mine just so happened to be lust and drugs, I know longer feel myself lust for other woman. I know longer want to go and drink or smoke my problems away. Years i have waited to be at a point where I can be at a place of peace. I recently was put in a position where i knew my will would be tested and the feeling you get when you know that you can finally trust yourself to do the right thing without hesistation was the place of peace i have always wanted. My thoughts now have changed, I can look at myself and not be ashamed of who I am. So when you ask yourslef what are your thoughts. Think about it and really think about what consumes your mind everyday, what does your mind and body long for. I think about my kids and my fiance more so now than anything else. I think about making sure i wake up with a smile and to be stress free knowing that I can control what consumes me...