This weather is not helping

I don't know if it's the weather or I've been fooling myself into thinking I'm getting better.  It's gloomy outside but even gloomier inside.  It's been a little over 8 months now since cancer claimed my very courageous husband.  He fought so hard and suffered so much.  With all he went through for an entire year, I should think of his passing as a blessing.  He's actually totally free from all his misery.  I know he's in Heaven, but I miss him so much.  When I'm away from the house, I have this urgency to get home... this ridiculous feeling I must get home because he is waiting for me.  Our 38th wedding anniversary is this Sunday.  It's so hard to imagine not being with him.  He was such a good person.  I feel so honored to have been his wife for so many years.  After reading so many of your journals, I know you all understand exactly how I feel.  My friends and even relatives all think I'm all right and I can't tell them I'm not.  Life goes on... I know that.  But they just really don't know how the pain does not go away.  I am so thankful to have found this site.  Thank you all for being here and for listening to me ramble.  Love and understanding to you all.  Jamie