this time of yr has vary hard on me

i cant help but think of the childen and grand children what there tricker treat was like or the 2 emty chairs at the table on Tday or the gifts under a tree that will never be opened i cant help to about how there lives have changed forever as mine did i shuold not have survived and wish i didnt i still wonder if i had sacraficed myself if they wuold be here today or weather i saved the next car behind me i am not complitly inocent of this i feel i am at fault i had a blood achole level of .12 but DOT stated in there report achole was not a factor and gives high prayses for mantaining control under extrem condisions and no one else was envolde this accident cuold have been far worse i am reminded that i mite have saved others by being there at that time a small thuoght to think of when 2 were lost in front of me its something i cant stop thinking abuot and wish it was me and not them takeing my life now wuold not give theres back i wish it cuold and wuold do so if it wuold change things for them but now this is something that i will live with