This TIme of Year
This time of year I am reminded of the impact your passing has made in my life.
My birthday was always spent opening a lovely card from your secret store. You always purchased the nicest cards, with words that came straight from your heart. I kept some of them and sometimes take them out to read over and over. This year marks the second birthday I have spent without you. Anymore it is just another day.
Thanksgiving was celebrated with family. Deep frying the turkeys, indulging in all the great food, and sharing laughter around the table. Carol and Ray gave me a beautiful light -- a photo of us etched in glass, sitting on a base of soft glowing light. I have it on the nightstand and a night has not gone by without it being on. You, my love, are my glowing angel, however, you spooked the cat for she spent Thanksgiving Day under the bed after tearing through the house from her precious food bowl. I laughed, for I knew it was you. Still teasing cats, even from heaven above.
The Christmas tree is up, decorated in your favorate color - blue. It is soothing, and much better than viewing the traditional Christmas colors. And, for the second season without you, I cannot listen to Christmas music. Just another reminder of what I had and what I lost. No longer does my cell ring eight to ten times daily, and it is you and that wonderful voice, singing away to the radio our favorite tunes.
I have decided to go to the office Christmas party this year. The plan is to stay for dinner, hang around another hour, and leave with our standard crew to a restaurant destination for one of their great desserts and a dessert drink. It's an excuse to get dressed up, and like you always said, a free evening out.
New Years is to be spent with our dear friends over pajamas, wine and pizza. It is subtle, but enough to celebrate the new year. However, for me, another reminder of a new year without you.
I often think of the day the Lord calls me home, how will you react? Will you love me as much as you did before you died? I'm obviously not the same person you left behind. Will you like the person I have become now?
I do admit that through it all, I want nothing more than to have you here with me. Continuing our life together and our plans for the future. However, I know it can't be and I almost feel guilty at times for savoring the freedom I have now. No hassles, no worries, no nothing. Just peace, and a humble existence. If I want love,, I just close my eyes and think of you. If I want comfort, I remind myself that you are just an arm's length away.
I love you Richard, here, now and foremore. And please, stop teasing the cat.
Your devoted wife, Debbie
My birthday was always spent opening a lovely card from your secret store. You always purchased the nicest cards, with words that came straight from your heart. I kept some of them and sometimes take them out to read over and over. This year marks the second birthday I have spent without you. Anymore it is just another day.
Thanksgiving was celebrated with family. Deep frying the turkeys, indulging in all the great food, and sharing laughter around the table. Carol and Ray gave me a beautiful light -- a photo of us etched in glass, sitting on a base of soft glowing light. I have it on the nightstand and a night has not gone by without it being on. You, my love, are my glowing angel, however, you spooked the cat for she spent Thanksgiving Day under the bed after tearing through the house from her precious food bowl. I laughed, for I knew it was you. Still teasing cats, even from heaven above.
The Christmas tree is up, decorated in your favorate color - blue. It is soothing, and much better than viewing the traditional Christmas colors. And, for the second season without you, I cannot listen to Christmas music. Just another reminder of what I had and what I lost. No longer does my cell ring eight to ten times daily, and it is you and that wonderful voice, singing away to the radio our favorite tunes.
I have decided to go to the office Christmas party this year. The plan is to stay for dinner, hang around another hour, and leave with our standard crew to a restaurant destination for one of their great desserts and a dessert drink. It's an excuse to get dressed up, and like you always said, a free evening out.
New Years is to be spent with our dear friends over pajamas, wine and pizza. It is subtle, but enough to celebrate the new year. However, for me, another reminder of a new year without you.
I often think of the day the Lord calls me home, how will you react? Will you love me as much as you did before you died? I'm obviously not the same person you left behind. Will you like the person I have become now?
I do admit that through it all, I want nothing more than to have you here with me. Continuing our life together and our plans for the future. However, I know it can't be and I almost feel guilty at times for savoring the freedom I have now. No hassles, no worries, no nothing. Just peace, and a humble existence. If I want love,, I just close my eyes and think of you. If I want comfort, I remind myself that you are just an arm's length away.
I love you Richard, here, now and foremore. And please, stop teasing the cat.
Your devoted wife, Debbie
Replies
Debbie,l often find comfort just thinking about Frank and the love we had,it can also bring the tears as well,l,m sure they will still love us the way they did when they left,l hope Frank recognises me though,l have changed so much in my appearence.
Alice
Debbie - What a absolutely awesome journal entry........and what an inspiration to those of us along this journey. You write so beautifully, so much from your heart and your love for your dear Richard shines through every word. Thank you so much for sharing. Hugs to you,
Chris
Debbie,
It is a very beautiful journal entry and I am smiling thinking of Richard teasing your cat. Don\'t worry.......Richard will recognize you from the love shining out of your eyes as you \"see\" him again.
Peace to you during the holiday season.
Hugs, Dianne
Thanks all. It often worries me, for I now have become my own person and I like myself as well as the life I have carved out. I just often wonder that as time goes by, once we see each other again, will we accept each other for what we have become since that fateful day, May 22, 2009?