This sucks but I've lost hope :(

Another rough morning that makes me want to change. I am so tired of suffering from an eating disorder. I have been fighting this for five years now!! I feel like I have made major improvements; however, this illness is still a major part of my life that I want to get rid of. I am ready to move on with my life but I am so stuck in the habit. I am not happy with myself and I want to change because the people in my life deserve better. Everyone is so supportive and tells me it's no big deal but I know that they only say that so I don't feel so guilty. I want to change but I never have the motivation to abstain from binging longer than a day of two. I go through a binge, restrict, and guilt cycle daily and I am so sick of it. I want my life back but I have started to lose hope that I will ever get better and love myself fully because this has been going on for such a long time. I hope I can find change and confidence again soon because I can't stand this torture. I am ready to change and I hope I can have the strength to follow through.