This sucks.....

Well its time for me to complain now.  I came to realize over the past few days that I really have no friends.  At times I feel I do but really I dont. My phone never rings I never get any text I hate it. My bf is constantly getting texts and calls. He has soo many people he considers friends who he can spend time with.  I mention to him how I feel about how I feel and he says all my friends are your friends. No No they arent if so its because of him.  If I saw them out they wouldnt speak to me more than likely.  Today I went to Easter dinner at his brothers home and there were probley 30+ people there I think 4 of them spoke to me I was so uncomfortable, I was feeling a bit paronoid though so... there were so many people there I hadnt met yet and I ended up not even introduced to them 1 had to come over to me and speak. I felt like I had a spotlight on me and was being ignored. Ive lived in this town for over 5 years now and havent made but a couple friends and they are distant type see 1 or 2 times a year.  I moved to this town to live with an ex I had his friends who hated me truely for 2 years before they were nice to me.  I tried to meat people... I tried to meet other gay men hoping to make a friendship but no... I would end up screwing everyone in the short time Ive been here Ive had sex with over 100 guys and made no friends. Sucks when all you are is a piece of ass. I dont think Ill be abe to make friends eather Im too judgemental and overly sensitive. I will remember anything mean someone does to me and I will try to hurt them somehow. I can see why Im not someone to befriend Im bad for people.  Today while I sat for 2.5 hours at Easter dinner I thought how I could stop it all without hurting my bf or my kids.  Im glad I have them or Id be gone. I will not hurt them.  Im getting married in 50 days and I have like 3 people from my family coming and like 3 friends the other 100+ are there for chad.  Im afraid that the day is just going to be like the lonelyestn day I want to be able to not seem all fucking weird that day. Im really afraid that Im going to have a stress induced episode because of it.  Tell me if you will does anyone besides me have issues with friendships and the dificulty of having them. does anyone else use sex as a way to get people to want to be with you. Im getting older now and I wont have my looks forever when thats gone what im going to do? am I more than a dick and ass.  I want to be loved by more people that 3 this is sooooo hard for me. Im also now totally faithful to this man so I dont have sex to give out to anyone as a reason to be around. My ex allowed me to do what I wanted all I wanted was him to want me to be with him only he at the end even had me to a low where I was fucking for $ so he would have more to spend. My bf now is what I always wanted Im so lucky to have him I love him totally but how long will he want to be with me what If im not able to have sex everynight forever what if I get depressed and actout os have episodes will he stay in love with me how long can I keep him happy. OMG this is turning to a book so Ill shut up. thanks you all.