This Sucks

I just read my wife's journal, and it breaks my heart!! She is marshjody84.  I wanted to go back to work a little while ago, but we wanted me to to through treatment and get stronger first.  I am ashamed of not being able to provide.  She said that I am providing in other ways.  I keep repeating the same viscious cycle.  It is different this time because I understand what is going on with me, I am undergoing treatment and taking steps to break the cycle and be the husband, father, and Man I am supposed to be not just a shell full of ptsd and a cup of paranoia on the side.  Although we are taking the right path, it is putting too much on my wife.  I know my limits, I just do not want to start another job, reach those limits and lose my job again.  More like walk away because when I get to that breaking point I disappear so others do not see the man behind the mask.  Also next time I do not want to reach the point of no return.  I felt clear today, and actually confident of future, but after my wife's entry I well I don't know.  Rambling must go.