This should be a great night....
I'm going to go see one of my best friends and her 6 week old baby tonight. Her third child, the one she said she wouldn't have because she was overwhelmed with two and her husband and family does not help. The one that said that her husband and her use the pull out method and can't believe she got pregnant the 3rd time because they weren't trying. Also the friend that blew up facebook multiple times a day with pictures of her kids and before she had her last, about how she was counting down the days and that she was still pregnant and blah blah blah. I had to hide her posts about a month before she gave birth because it was too much.
Since my last BFN, I dug myself a nice little hole and and didn't want to talk to anyone the first few weeks after the result. I started feeling better about 1-2 weeks ago and reconnecting with people, including family who did not contact me (see last blog post). I heard that she's recently made comments to others about how I haven't come over to see her baby when she knows that we are dealing with fertility issues. She doesn't know (not to my knowledge) that we went through IVF and the first round failed. We are very private and I only told 3 friends about it. I plan on telling her tonight what I went through as the reasoning as to why I've been so distant. She might see it as just an excuse and I'm not looking for a pity party, I guess I'm just ready to let people in on the recent failure. She's a gossip queen, so I'm sure once I tell her, she will tell everyone, which is fine. I'm curious to see how this goes.
But all of this makes me think about what I should do about my next FET with our final two embryos (if they make the thaw). Only 1 friend knows that we are proceeding with August only b/c I wanted her advice as to what we shoudl do as she was recently successful at her first FET and I told her to put herself in my shoes and what she would do. The husband and I were not planning on telling anyone else, not even family this time. I wonder if that is the right move as I do like support, but am afraid of another meltdown/failure. I just wish I could get pregnant "normally". All of this wouldn't matter then!!
Since my last BFN, I dug myself a nice little hole and and didn't want to talk to anyone the first few weeks after the result. I started feeling better about 1-2 weeks ago and reconnecting with people, including family who did not contact me (see last blog post). I heard that she's recently made comments to others about how I haven't come over to see her baby when she knows that we are dealing with fertility issues. She doesn't know (not to my knowledge) that we went through IVF and the first round failed. We are very private and I only told 3 friends about it. I plan on telling her tonight what I went through as the reasoning as to why I've been so distant. She might see it as just an excuse and I'm not looking for a pity party, I guess I'm just ready to let people in on the recent failure. She's a gossip queen, so I'm sure once I tell her, she will tell everyone, which is fine. I'm curious to see how this goes.
But all of this makes me think about what I should do about my next FET with our final two embryos (if they make the thaw). Only 1 friend knows that we are proceeding with August only b/c I wanted her advice as to what we shoudl do as she was recently successful at her first FET and I told her to put herself in my shoes and what she would do. The husband and I were not planning on telling anyone else, not even family this time. I wonder if that is the right move as I do like support, but am afraid of another meltdown/failure. I just wish I could get pregnant "normally". All of this wouldn't matter then!!
Replies
Good luck tonight with your friend. From the way you described her please don\'t hold out hope that she will say the right things. Usually people who get it all rarely know what to say and instead say things like, when it\'s your time it will happen, have patience, blah blah blah! I mean I hope it goes better, of course, for your sake (and maybe even hers lol). I find it helpful to let people in on what procedures I\'m doing but I lie about the actual dates so I have time to recover if its a failed cycle :-/
Good luck tonight, I will be thinking of you praying that all goes well! Its hard when others don\'t seem to appreciate the blessings that some of us so desperately long for.
Your friend is lucky that you are such a wonderful person. Not all of us would be so nice given the circumstances.
Hopefully when you share your journey with her tonight she will begin to understand that although you are happy for her, things are just tough right now. Only share what you are comfortable with, you don\'t owe her anything and although it is important to have support I feel its also important to guard your heart a bit at times.
((HUGS))
I didn\'t tell family for my 2nd IVF cycle (just completed) and soooo glad I didn\'t. They certainly add unintentional stress/pressure. Our first ending in MC which was hard on everyone. This one was BFN so glad to not add to the heartache. It sucked to lie about what we were up to and I know they will be upset later when they find out (could be years depending on what happens for us) because they would have wanted to be there for us. We needed to do what was best for us. Good luck in your FET.
I\'ve stopped keeping people updated on the specifics, besides you all! If they don\'t ask, I don\'t tell. I just hate updating everyone on bad news, and if it is good, I need to be patient for a while and make sure it actually is good. I hope your friend was able to get a sense of your struggles after you give her some more details.
I understand EXACTLY how you feel and I\'m sorry you have to go through this night with your friend and her new baby. I know that\'s gong to be hard, but I think once you tell her she will completely understand. It might even feel better because hopefully she keeps her mouth shut on how easy it\'s been for her and have some compassion. As far as you telling people about what you\'re going through, that\'s your decision but I regret telling people about my IUI\'s. I know people ask out of concern and with the best intent, but when you feel down it didn\'t take, having to tell multiple people is just torture for me. I would tell the closest people in your circle and that\'s it. Good luck tonight, keep us posted on how it goes!
Hope your chat went well with your friend, not an easy conversation to have I\'m sure! Hopefully it helps her to better understand you and what you\'re dealing with!
Thanks for all the messages. Last night when well - other than her two older kids running around crazy!! But, we got to talk about things for awhile and she was definitely more understanding and not too upset that I didn\'t tell her in the first place. She didn\'t know what to say, which was expected, as she told me that she didn\'t know how I would feel but said that she can\'t even imagine what I\"m going through. So, I think things are better, got to hold her new born and that was nice. Didn\'t tell her about plans for August, I think I\'ll just wait for a little bit. My mom was trying to pry information out of me last night on when we were going to use the last two. I really hate lying, but I told her it was a possibility but we might wait too.
Anyways, I think I\'ll keep the second FET to myself (and of course you ladies!) and hopefully I can surprise everyone I know with a nice BFP! Wouldn\'t that be nice!?
I\'m glad things went well! You are a real trooper for talking to her and visiting her newborn. Hoping for a BFP for you soon!
That is wonderful that it went so well last night!! I think you made the right decision about keeping your upcoming plans to yourself. I\'ve decided to do the same when it comes time for my IUI, hoping it will take some of the pressure off.
((HUGS))
Glad to hear the night went better than expected! We are keeping our 2nd FET a \"secret\" too (except for DS of course!). We told a handful of people for the 1st FET and I\'m thinking this time maybe if I do some things differently, I\'ll get that BFP. Plus, like you said, how fun to make it a surprise!
I\'m so glad it went well. It\'s good to be able to talk to your friends. They might nit get all of it but sharing makes it a little better.
Hooping your next FET is the good one.