This quiet is making me jittery
Not to throw around cliches, but this silence is deafening. Sent the final email to OM last Friday, saying we need to stop emailing bc nothing was going to come of it and it was not feeling healthy to me. There has been no response. Nothing. At all.
Bluesky pointed out that even though it may seem cruel, his lack of response was actually a kindness. I agree. It's like a gift-- but maybe one where you kinda want to exchange it for something you actually like. ;)
His silence has, on one hand, made it much, much, much easier to be at peace with my decision. Thus, the gift. But, it also makes me feel like a huge jerk. I so wish he could have sent me something that said, "ok, I understand, I agree, it's hard but we should stop..." Instead, I think he's probably like, "Really?!? What is this now? The fifth time you've said we should stop? You're crazy!"
I know I should accept that I cannot control his feelings and thoughts. I try like heck to put him and his potential reactions in a pink bubble and send it off to float away, off to whatever life holds for him. It's not me. It's not us.
Movin' on...
Bluesky pointed out that even though it may seem cruel, his lack of response was actually a kindness. I agree. It's like a gift-- but maybe one where you kinda want to exchange it for something you actually like. ;)
His silence has, on one hand, made it much, much, much easier to be at peace with my decision. Thus, the gift. But, it also makes me feel like a huge jerk. I so wish he could have sent me something that said, "ok, I understand, I agree, it's hard but we should stop..." Instead, I think he's probably like, "Really?!? What is this now? The fifth time you've said we should stop? You're crazy!"
I know I should accept that I cannot control his feelings and thoughts. I try like heck to put him and his potential reactions in a pink bubble and send it off to float away, off to whatever life holds for him. It's not me. It's not us.
Movin' on...
Replies
I can\'t imagine how hard it is to be NC with OM but you are doing awesome!
If he had sent you the email you wanted in response do you think it would have made you want to reply back and keep the cycle going? I think we say we want it to stop but in our heads we still want them wanting us, I am in the same boat...I say leave (at least a 1000000 times) but get irritated when he actually did and then it was his fault for \'giving up\'. He is actually being very selfless in not answering if that sounds odd. It takes someone who is selfless and cares to do what you ask.
Cervelo-- you are right and as I acknowledged, it was a gift. I just want some sense of knowing that he\'s not angry or doesn\'t think I\'m a complete nutter. This is my fifth try at cutting the strings, and he initiated the last reconnection. As I said, I know I can\'t control his thoughts, feelings or actions. It\'s just something I would have liked. Sigh...
Also, I may have in the past seen it as an invitation to keep it going or restart it. I do not this time. It is more an absolution of my guilt for letting him go that I was seeking.
Sucks though doesn\'t it?? I think we are in the same place.