This morning
This morning I stared at the ceiling of our bedroom, trying so hard not to cry. Last night I found my husband's phone buzzing I got it for him. He was texting some random women from words with friends. She sent pictures of her privates and her breast and he sent pictures of his penis. When I asked him he admitted to it. He's been texting her for two weeks. When I said I needed space he begged me to stay and go to counseling. I wanted to say yes but how do i trust him? I asked him if he told her he was married, with his head hanging down he admitted to saying he had a partner. A partner, I've been with this man for 13 years. I feel lost and there is no one to talk to. I'm ashamed and embarrassed.
Replies
You have every right to feel ashamed and embarrassed; you trusted him after the first time and now this. Cheaters will make every attempt to downplay their dalliances, so I wouldn't believe everything he says. He probably told her all sorts of lies, to get her to play, and there are a few chapters in the cheaters handbook on this topic.
Couples counselling is not successful until he has had individual therapy to work on himself, there is nothing wrong with you. You will need individual counselling to deal with the devastation it causes the loyal and betrayed spouse. It will help you understand that none of this is your fault, and a good therapist will help you make the necessary ultimatums to put forth, in order for you to feel somewhat secure in the relationship. He can boohoo all he wants, but the ball is in your court now, and you get to decide how you want to go forward.
Without you knowing the extent of the infidelity, I can tell you that if there's more, it won't come out in couples counselling, that's for him to expose to his own therapist. So don't think you're going to make breakthrough progress in couples counselling.
The usual reason people send photos of their privates to others, is to connect for a physical date, not just to have fun on the phone, showing your junk to each other. So chances are, he's been physical with them. Ask to see his phone so you can see for yourself, what he's texted with these women.