this morning
I woke up in a pretty good mood, got the kids up and then cooked breakfast, then watched tv with my man, then it was getting late so I was getting ready, showered, dried off, and then my ritual is put my lotion on and spray perfume. I put a spray on my wrist, inside of my elbows, on both side of my neck, my chest, my upper thighs, behind each knee, and my ankles. Alot, well I work with men all day, and sit in an office all day, so I make sure I am smelling nice all day.
So this is where it started, my man, got mad and said, "geez woman, that is poison don't you know that, I can't breath, and i can tast it." on and on he went about the poison I was putting into his body.
I turned to him and said, "now you know what I go through when you are smoking your pot, I can't breath and I get headaches, and you do it around me all the time"
Well he had his argument about pot is all natural, its an herb, and blah, blah, blah
well we argued on my way to work, and he asked if I wanted him to leave, I told him I didn't say that. Well then it got quiet, and we rode the rest of the way in silence.
When we got to my work, he reached for me, and told me he didn't want to argue, I told him me niether, gave him a kiss, then he said man when you sprayed your perfume it gave me a headache, I turned away and just said man....you.....sigh....goodbye....have a good day.
He just called me and said what is rainbows number? and I told him and said "i love you" and I hung up.
When I walked from the car to the clock in I took a few deep breaths and tried to shift from home to work, cause I don't want to bring my junk from home to work. etc., etc.,
I been working on me, and trying to see that I am not an extention of him, and that he is not the owner of me. i still want to respect him, and give him what I can, but I have to choose which battles are worth carrying on. If I want this to work.
I have asked him if we could work on saying more positives to one another, he agrees, that would be a good idea. So we have been complimenting each other, genuinely, and also, I have been trying to be more honest with him on how I am feeling, and also I have been working on letting go of the past.
But I know I can only work on me, his self is his own responsibility. If he isn't going to work on our relationship, than it won't work.
I been working on taking extra care of myself in the morning, and dressing to the shoes everyday, and just really working on me, and evaluating my inner self each time there is something that makes me uncomfortable. If I sense that there is a disagreement, than I ask him if we can talk when we are more calm. And usually he agrees.
I somehow want to blame myself for the abuse, but I know that is not a healthy way to think.
There has been improvement in our relationship, but I just wonder when the ball is going to drop.
I guess that is all I have to write today.
So this is where it started, my man, got mad and said, "geez woman, that is poison don't you know that, I can't breath, and i can tast it." on and on he went about the poison I was putting into his body.
I turned to him and said, "now you know what I go through when you are smoking your pot, I can't breath and I get headaches, and you do it around me all the time"
Well he had his argument about pot is all natural, its an herb, and blah, blah, blah
well we argued on my way to work, and he asked if I wanted him to leave, I told him I didn't say that. Well then it got quiet, and we rode the rest of the way in silence.
When we got to my work, he reached for me, and told me he didn't want to argue, I told him me niether, gave him a kiss, then he said man when you sprayed your perfume it gave me a headache, I turned away and just said man....you.....sigh....goodbye....have a good day.
He just called me and said what is rainbows number? and I told him and said "i love you" and I hung up.
When I walked from the car to the clock in I took a few deep breaths and tried to shift from home to work, cause I don't want to bring my junk from home to work. etc., etc.,
I been working on me, and trying to see that I am not an extention of him, and that he is not the owner of me. i still want to respect him, and give him what I can, but I have to choose which battles are worth carrying on. If I want this to work.
I have asked him if we could work on saying more positives to one another, he agrees, that would be a good idea. So we have been complimenting each other, genuinely, and also, I have been trying to be more honest with him on how I am feeling, and also I have been working on letting go of the past.
But I know I can only work on me, his self is his own responsibility. If he isn't going to work on our relationship, than it won't work.
I been working on taking extra care of myself in the morning, and dressing to the shoes everyday, and just really working on me, and evaluating my inner self each time there is something that makes me uncomfortable. If I sense that there is a disagreement, than I ask him if we can talk when we are more calm. And usually he agrees.
I somehow want to blame myself for the abuse, but I know that is not a healthy way to think.
There has been improvement in our relationship, but I just wonder when the ball is going to drop.
I guess that is all I have to write today.
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