This is what he does...
So... since my last entry, I havent spoken to my boyfriend. It has been 5 days... not an overly long time, but it proves that he makes me reach out first to "fix the problem or fight". I always cave after about 2-3 days and call. Most of the time, he just ignores me until he feels like talking. This is bullshit.
I am not ready to reach out to him. At this point, if I am the one doing all the work, it might as well be over. I am sick of feeling like I am putting all the effort into the relationship and he does barely enough to skate by.
Its so disappointing though, to love someone. To know that when you are together and getting along, you fit so naturally together it feels like it is just meant to be. The bad outweighs the good here though... the bad has outweighed the good for a long time now.
I think I am in denial still... I think part of me hopes he will reach out and apologize. When I left his house on Sunday and he called me right after, I thought that it was him calling to apologize for being an asshole. But he called to basically yell at me for leaving without him knowing it. Which pissed me off. I dont even think he understands the reason I am so mad and just over it. I know he probably thinks its because of the vacation and valentines day. Its in the past and I am over it.
The reason I am mad is because I cant trust his word. He says he is going to do something, or we are going to do something and he always backs out. Its so disappointing when you get your hopes up that you are going to go out on a date, or take a day off to spend together, or make plans to spend the night at my house instead of his and then when the day arrives, he acts like he never said that. Calls and tells me just to come to his house instead cause he doesnt feel like coming over to mine. Too tired to go out on a date. Too tired to spend the day together... Too tired tired to spend a holiday together.
The problem I have (and I know I will have to accept the things I cannot change) is that I want him to realize that he is breaking something that has the potential to be absolutely great. In the beginning we were both great in the relationship with spending time together, letting the other know we cared. Somewhere along the way, he stopped doing it. I dont know what happened, if he just got too comfortable and thinks I will always be there so he can do and be whatever he wants. Which he can do and be whatever he wants, but he has to realize that in a relationship its about two peoples needs and feelings, not just one. The other persons feelings and needs need to be taken into consideration along the way, or he might as well just be alone because this is not how a relationship works.
I know I am not going to get what I want out of this... I think after two years of asking for more, its finally time to throw in the towel.
I dont plan on reaching back out to him... if he wants this, he needs to step up. I am giving him two weeks of space. If I dont here from him by April 6, I am done and moving on.
I am not ready to reach out to him. At this point, if I am the one doing all the work, it might as well be over. I am sick of feeling like I am putting all the effort into the relationship and he does barely enough to skate by.
Its so disappointing though, to love someone. To know that when you are together and getting along, you fit so naturally together it feels like it is just meant to be. The bad outweighs the good here though... the bad has outweighed the good for a long time now.
I think I am in denial still... I think part of me hopes he will reach out and apologize. When I left his house on Sunday and he called me right after, I thought that it was him calling to apologize for being an asshole. But he called to basically yell at me for leaving without him knowing it. Which pissed me off. I dont even think he understands the reason I am so mad and just over it. I know he probably thinks its because of the vacation and valentines day. Its in the past and I am over it.
The reason I am mad is because I cant trust his word. He says he is going to do something, or we are going to do something and he always backs out. Its so disappointing when you get your hopes up that you are going to go out on a date, or take a day off to spend together, or make plans to spend the night at my house instead of his and then when the day arrives, he acts like he never said that. Calls and tells me just to come to his house instead cause he doesnt feel like coming over to mine. Too tired to go out on a date. Too tired to spend the day together... Too tired tired to spend a holiday together.
The problem I have (and I know I will have to accept the things I cannot change) is that I want him to realize that he is breaking something that has the potential to be absolutely great. In the beginning we were both great in the relationship with spending time together, letting the other know we cared. Somewhere along the way, he stopped doing it. I dont know what happened, if he just got too comfortable and thinks I will always be there so he can do and be whatever he wants. Which he can do and be whatever he wants, but he has to realize that in a relationship its about two peoples needs and feelings, not just one. The other persons feelings and needs need to be taken into consideration along the way, or he might as well just be alone because this is not how a relationship works.
I know I am not going to get what I want out of this... I think after two years of asking for more, its finally time to throw in the towel.
I dont plan on reaching back out to him... if he wants this, he needs to step up. I am giving him two weeks of space. If I dont here from him by April 6, I am done and moving on.
Replies