this is the song that does not end...
Know that one?
'This is the song that does not end,
yes it goes on and on my friend.
Some people started singing it
Not knowing what it was,
And they'll continue singing it
forever just because...'
(repeat a million times, in the car, with mom or dad at the wheel, giggling and poking each other... )
I feel like grief is the song that does not end, and I can read your journals, you who are 3 and 5 years further down the path, and see that you are still singing the song that does not end. It sounds a lot better, mostly. You've gotten the tune down, lol.
But the other thing that occurred to me, talking with my cousin Ellie whose sister Lisa died a few years ago of a sudden heart attack, is that just like the song, the relationship is NOT OVER! I have been saying LOVE is forever, and believing it with all my heart, but <light breaks over Rocky Head> I suddenly put 2+2 together and went OH! The WORK and the LOVE and the DISCOURSE and the FEELINGS (good+bad) are all going to go on and on and on... and we'll continue singing it forever just because this is the song that does not end......................................
I need to talk with Byron about this. He had a very complicated relationship with his older brother Andy. They became close friends but Byron, the "Responsible One", always disliked being Andy's steward and guardian and defender. For the last 2 years of Andy's life, (until the last 8 months when Byron said No More! I just want to be his brother!) he was all that plus also Andy's private nurse. Sounds a lot like a parent doesn't it. No one asked Byron to do that stuff but he felt compelled. Those of us who are natural caregivers will understand everything he did... and empathize with the rage and resentment too. There's a lot of sh*t to process there. Now I really get why people talk to their loved ones who are no longer living. They may not be living but they are HERE and the relationship is sooo not over.
Eric Clapton: "I'll find my way, through night and day..."
xox
Sarah
p.s. green smiley thursday! : )
'This is the song that does not end,
yes it goes on and on my friend.
Some people started singing it
Not knowing what it was,
And they'll continue singing it
forever just because...'
(repeat a million times, in the car, with mom or dad at the wheel, giggling and poking each other... )
I feel like grief is the song that does not end, and I can read your journals, you who are 3 and 5 years further down the path, and see that you are still singing the song that does not end. It sounds a lot better, mostly. You've gotten the tune down, lol.
But the other thing that occurred to me, talking with my cousin Ellie whose sister Lisa died a few years ago of a sudden heart attack, is that just like the song, the relationship is NOT OVER! I have been saying LOVE is forever, and believing it with all my heart, but <light breaks over Rocky Head> I suddenly put 2+2 together and went OH! The WORK and the LOVE and the DISCOURSE and the FEELINGS (good+bad) are all going to go on and on and on... and we'll continue singing it forever just because this is the song that does not end......................................
I need to talk with Byron about this. He had a very complicated relationship with his older brother Andy. They became close friends but Byron, the "Responsible One", always disliked being Andy's steward and guardian and defender. For the last 2 years of Andy's life, (until the last 8 months when Byron said No More! I just want to be his brother!) he was all that plus also Andy's private nurse. Sounds a lot like a parent doesn't it. No one asked Byron to do that stuff but he felt compelled. Those of us who are natural caregivers will understand everything he did... and empathize with the rage and resentment too. There's a lot of sh*t to process there. Now I really get why people talk to their loved ones who are no longer living. They may not be living but they are HERE and the relationship is sooo not over.
Eric Clapton: "I'll find my way, through night and day..."
xox
Sarah
p.s. green smiley thursday! : )
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