This is the Devastation I\'ve been Dreading for Years

I've been in what my therapist aptly calls denial for a few days now.  I've been trying to look on the bright side, take advantage of my renewed ability to survive paint fumes and hard labor. And as I was painting the living room just now, my twin brother called and told me that his wife is 11 weeks pregnant.  They hated to have to tell me, especially this week, but we're getting together tomorrow for a family gathering and they wanted to give me advance warning. I told them I was happy for them and glad she didn't have to go through what I've been through.  and I told them I'd "process this" and see them tomorrow.  Erin, my sister-in-law, told me that she was sorry we wouldn't be pregnant at the same time.   I got off the phone and collapsed.  I called James and told him to come home from his lunch with his friends.  I called my good friend Lucy for support, but I had to repeat myself several times because she couldn't understand what I was saying. I've known they've been trying for a few months (turns out since November).  They succeeded in early February.  Three fucking months.   I've been dreading this news for years now.  I'm really glad my kids will have cousins (these are our only siblings) but ... where are my kids?  It isn't fair and it hurts so much.  I don't know what to do. I just can't take this.  I thought about having a drink or cutting my wrists (wouldn't actually do it) but guess I'll just sob all the liquid out of my body. Will we really not be pregnant at the same time?  Can I really go on like this for 7 more months?  Longer?