This is so hard
Mother's day was not as hard as I thought. It was my birthday as well. I had some family come over and we had a nice time together. The young man that owned the motorcycle that Ben was on came over with flowers. That was so nice. He told me that he was saving for a tatoo that was going to cover his whole back. He is going to get a large Suzuki "S" on his back and put "IN loving memory" on the top and on the bottom but my son's name. I am pleased that he loved my son enough to have this done. But I hope he does this for the right reason. He feels like the accident was his fault because he needed Ben's truck that day to tow a trailer. Anyway as the day progressed I got lots of flowers. They were all beautiful. Got up the next day and I felt an over whelming sense of sadness. They took me back to the first few days after ben's accident. All I could see was flowers everywhere in my mind. And as you all know how our minds start to go places I just sat and started to cry because I have not yet been able to get Bens ashes. A friend had to go and get them for me. I don't know if I can hold that box or not. I know that Ben is gone. I know that....but it seems so final. How stupid huh? I don't know how to do this part of it. Do we keep them ? Scatter them? I don't know............... I hate this. I am really trying to remember that those ashes really are not Ben. He is not in the box. He is in a better place. Please Lord help all of the Moms here get through the days ahead. I pray that we all grab hold of His hand. I love all of you Bens mom 4everDebi
Replies
Debi...I would suggest that you just hold on to Ben\'s ashes for a period of time...until you KNOW what to do with them. There is no deadline for deciding. Finality...I understand that feeling. When we got Alex\'s marker...it was like 8 months later...and it was a reality check for me too...that he was really gone...and it had been 8 months. Our minds take a long time to process this awful tragedy that has happened to us...so do not feel stupid...we really understand. Love and hugs..Karen
I\'m with Karen, hold on to them until you are absolutely sure of what you want to do with them. Easy to hold them, hard to get them back. We each move at our own pace and you are where you are and its fine. Just do what you can and accept it as it comes. Love and hugs Cathy
I agree with everyone else. Just keep them until you can make some rational decisions. It took me almost 2 years to finalize the boy\'s headstone. You have time to decide later. Love ya, Barbara
Ben IS in a far better place and unfortunately we are left in that place that holds all those emotional landmines... take it slowly and don\'t make any decisions until you feel ready to make them. I still have not ordered Erick\'s \"stone\" because it\'s just to final. Ben\'s friend sounds like he needs to have something that will tell the world how much he misses and loved your son. Erick\'s friends all have tattoos that were made in his memory. Sending you a warm hug and love, Vera~Erick\'s mom
Thank you so much for your words of wisdom..Most days I can\'t even think straight..
love all of you
Bens mom 4ever
debi