This is so hard

  Mother's day was not as hard as I thought. It was my birthday as well. I had some family come over and we had a nice time together. The young man that owned the motorcycle that Ben was on came over with flowers. That was so nice. He told me that he was saving for a tatoo that was going to cover his whole back. He is going to get a large Suzuki "S" on his back and put "IN loving memory" on the top and on the bottom but my son's name. I am pleased that he loved my son enough to have this done. But I hope he does this for the right reason. He feels like the accident was his fault because he needed Ben's truck that day to tow a trailer. Anyway as the day progressed I got lots of flowers. They were all beautiful. Got up the next day and I felt an over whelming sense of sadness. They took me back to the first few days after ben's accident. All I could see was flowers everywhere in my mind. And as you all know how our minds start to go places I just sat and started to cry because I have not yet been able to get Bens ashes. A friend had to go and get them for me. I don't know if I can hold that box or not. I know that Ben is gone. I know  that....but it seems so final. How stupid huh? I don't know how to do this part of it. Do we keep them ? Scatter them? I don't know............... I hate this. I am really trying to remember that those ashes really are not Ben. He is not in the box. He is in a better place. Please Lord help all of the Moms here get through the days ahead. I pray that  we all grab hold of His hand. I love all of you Bens mom 4everDebi