This is really hard...

 I have written here in a very long time...havent felt the need to "express my thoughts" ... What do you do when its going to be the last time you will ever talk to someone and you KNOW its going to be the last time. All gloved up in a protective smock because they dont know why he is so sick  (staph again like the last time he almost died - 9 months in the hospital ) is it back again?? I had to touch him through gloves...I wanted to rip them off... told him what a good dad he was, looked over at my tough brother tears streaming down his face, told him he should wake up, he is missing all the "good lookin' women" all taking care of him. The machines were all breathing for him - so weird - I was thinking he will wake up (docs said NO he is way too sedated- a coma on purpose) what the f  do I say?? I dont know what to say...I think he can hear me...I believe he can hear me so what the fuck do I say? I cant believe this is happening- Im just going to say something (they say the hearing is the last to go) I said "I will see you later - I WILL see you again..." ...he is going to die...its his time now, and I have to just deal with this... I know everyone dies... its just TOO permanent. I miss him, I keep thinking I can pick up the phone and say "HEEYYYY daaadddd... how are you??"     Oh shit...this sucks really bad.