This is quick but not quite painless

"I'm sorry your honor my client isn't in his right mind, he really didn't mean to do that." Oh how I long to not suffer from this kind of a life. This life with a little asterisk by the side of it. Oh by the way you're not like everybody else. You're not really crazy but you kind of are. Remember that time you almost passed out at that basketball game and you forgot where you were? Well that's part of it. A better example is you know how when you drive and you are always swerving because you think you see things coming out from the side of the road?........ And oh, the time you heard people talking to you that weren't really there that night you went to the hospital. You know Tom, that's not normal........ Right now I welcome a life threatening illness. But then I wouldn't be depressed and such. Aye there's the rub. I have to be one or the other, not both, that would just be too convenient. If I was dying I wouldn't want to be. "That's called passive suicidal" said my first doctor. We had to eventually let him go he was too intense and such, and speaking of which if I were a tad more snooty I'd say my current one isn't working out so great either. Meds. ahh meds. Oh so many. Lamictal, litium, depekote, risperdal, abilify, ativan, clonopen, zyprexa, welbutrin, lexapro, I've been on and off them all, different combinations, and I am continually faced with brutal morning after empty night. And Stress filled day after day.                         "People Don't know when to see their signs They're all sleeping in their cars to clear their minds Then They wake up to the bright of day Everything's gonna be ok" -An original by my friend Spencer- And I hope it will. Today was actually really good mood wise. I'm really happy about that and I hope the pattern continues.