This is part of a message I sent a friend and I wanted to save it as a journal entry

At the Easter service I was so nervous and excited to take communion. As soon as the line began my H took my hand and took me with him. He usually waits till near the end but he was excited too. It was a huge moment for me. I was shaking and then I went back to the "choir area". (very informal loose choir, just a certain area off to the side where the people who like to sing stand together) I immediately began to cry and my friend hugged me and held me a little bit and then my H hugged me and then each of my kids came over and hugged me after they took communion. There is enough moving about at that point that I believe limited people noticed the hubbub. Ha ha I kept laughing and crying and I had the shakes. Geez, it is amazing what it will do to you to go through a year like this and have to wait so long to get absolution and go to communion while going to confession every week and struggle through such pain and sorrow and remorse. I am feeling out how things are different for me now. I feel awed a lot and I have now been able to accept forgiveness from God and my H. I cry just as much as before but that is because praying and listening to my christian music makes me cry. This Holy Week/ Pascha took me past a barrier. I am so thankful for that. It is amazing that God made it possible for me to come back earlier than Fr. Peter intended because I know I needed it so badly.