This is my life now

Well i wish i wasn't writing this and feeling this and living this but here i am in my life forced to be in existence. Im grateful for each day and my daughter and my friends and this beautiful planet that i can explore and enjoy. Im also extremely angry that this is my life now. I miss my guy more than i can express. He was the one person who no matter what i felt loved and accepted and supported and treasured by. I want him back but no matter how much i kick and scream and protest i will never get what i want. This pain is here inside me. I try to let it out when i can. I feel as though every aspect of my being is sooo affected. Peace of mind. Memory. Thought processes and msking decisions not my strong point. Ive also shown poor judgement but im trying to be gentle with myself and to love myself as he did. I accept people and friendships in my life but seem to need to back off now and then.  Most have no idea what to say to me. Some are great listeners and can just be with me.  That helps as does coming here. I just want to see him again for another kiss and gaze into my loves eyes. I love him with all my heart and soul