this is my brain NOT on alcohol

'twas the day before Christmas, on the job I gave and gave
no rest for the weary, not here in this cave
but up in the bedroom my wife sleeps in our bed
ambivalent feelings all up in my head
is she all sweetness or a selfish bitch
damn, how I wish I was rich
I would hire a maid and pretend I don't care
'cause the house would be a shithole if I weren't there
to do her work as well as my craft
my fate seems sealed to forever get the shaft
and no lovin', that's the worst
but nobody cares that my prostate will burst
I need a new hobby to save my sorry butt
I think I'll take up being a slut
Merrry Christmas, merry Christmas to thee
I hope your's is a serene one with great gifts under the tree