This is hard

I'm having a really hard time. Hurting because of my kids rejection. I don't even know if my daughter is alive and well. It's very hard to be "on" at work for the customers. I don't want to be walking around miserable, but....its hard to think about the good things. I don' like not having a car & being stuck. Today I was wondering if I died would my kids even care. Would they then remember the love I showed them when it was too late?