This is agony!!!

My husband of nearly 40 years passed away April 23rd.  I am totally lost without him.  He was diabetic and fought a hard battle. For weeks and months and years. He retired on disabiltiy/social security and we did have maybe a year to year and a half to actually enjoy each other before the dr appointments began to pile up.  In 2012 we made 22 trips 150 miles away to the va. 2013 we started in home paritineal dialysis.  But this last October he had a sore on his foot that wouldn't heal.  October to March he had 37 appointments and six trips 150 miles away. Spent last Christmas at that hospital for 13 days.  Then to a nursing home for 21 days and then numerous trips 3 times a week for wound vac care.  One toe and partial foot surgery, then two toes and more foot, then the last three toes and infection.  And finally amputation of his leg below the knee.   We brought him home then with home health care, but it was too painful for occupational therapy and physical therapy.  So then we called in hospice.  Til the very last week I still felt he would rally, he always had.  But not this time.  I don't know how to function. I can't wash the bed sheets they smell like him.  I can't look anywhere in the house without seeing him.  I can't go anywhere that we or he had frequented. Just too painful. Love attending my grand daughters activities, but he is not here to share.  All I do is cry and want to sleep.  The house and yard are a wreck and I am a wreck.  Don't know where to turn or what to do. Nothing is getting better, in fact at times it's worse cause I miss him more and more each day.  I don't know how to live without him!