This has to be the end..I can't see the beginning anymore
I am beyond sad...How do I quiet the voices that say give up, accept that you will never be a mother!!! I can't quiet them, I want to listen to them and say okay God I give up. Our financial journey with IVF is DONE!! I can't possibly do anything else. I really need some inspiration, I need stories of triumph because today I AM NOT STRONG, I am completely weak. Today my infertility has defeated me and I give completely up....
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Sweetie I pray for you every single day. Im not sure if you know my story or not but here it is and I pray it helps you. I have always said if my pain and loss can help someone then its worth it. I lost my first baby to a tubal pregnancy 8 years ago. I got pregnant very soon after and lost my son Ashton to trisomy 18 late in my 2nd trimester. That crushed me and my spirits. I have never knows love like that before so to loose him was horrific. It truly was life changing and for a time life ending. Fast forward 5 years i meet the man of my dreams and we get pregnant. We loose that baby at around 8 weeks. It was horrible and i felt like i would never ever get to be a mom. I didnt understand how I could loose 3 babies three different times. Well me and DH didnt give up. We were referred to a RE for test and what not so that when we got pregnant again it would stick. We thought we would get pregnant soon but wanted to make sure i could stay pregnant. I was diagnosed with a blood clotting disorder and put on levenox. I did a round of clomid. Fail. I did a IUI fail. I did another round of clomid fail. I was hopeless at this point nd just made peace with the fact that i would never have a biological child. So we started the adoption process. We took classes did the home study and were placed on a waiting list. Si here I sat with a childs room already to go but no child to put in it. It was hard but I felt like we were moving forward. out of the blue i get pregnant. All on my own all natural. I was convinced things would go wrong and it was a long and difficult pregnancy. I was on shots throughout the pregnancy, went into labor at 28 weeks was put on a drug that made me miserable. i was swollen and couldnt be on my feet for more than 10 minutes. On December 8, 2009 i delivered my perfect beautiful, healthy baby boy into the world. At that moment i started believing in miracles. I knew i wasnt done having kids hoped that i could get pregnant again on my own. I started ovulating in may of 2010 and after almost a year of BFN i started clomid. I knew it wouldnt work as I kind of went renegade and took it without the supervision of a doctor and lo and behold. I got pregnant on the first cycle. I knew this pregnancy would fail. I was prepared for it to fail. I knew if it took 4 pregnancies to have a healthy baby home it would take a few to bring #2 home. I kept waiting to start cramping and bleeding. I went to every doctors appointment waiting to hear the news there was no heart beat. But here I am 18 weeks pregnant with a little girl. I still cant believe it and still am waiting for the other shoe to drop but each day that passes it gets a little better. I will always miss the babies I lost, especially my son. I felt him kick I knew his face. I love him so so much. But miracles to happen. Im living proof. And I know in my hearts of hearts they will happen to you.
Thats what I needed thanks so much! I am in tears not that I havent been all day!
I know how hard some days are, but it will get brighter. Miracles do happen when we least expect it. Praying for ya!
Oh I\'m so sorry, this journey is sooo evil! You know my story, and I was ready to give up too, but please don\'t, its so worth it and I believe you will have a baby one day! (((HUGS)))
Dont give up faith or hope! I had multiple natural pregnancy losses and 3 Ivf cycles. We were hopeless and devastated. Dh and I were so hurt and full of pain it was the worst 2 1/2 years of our lives. I was a mess, and thought being a mom was almost impossible. We started going to church every Sunday, I prayed and prayed all the time. I tried to hold on to my faith or I would have given up all hope. We got pregnant naturally, and I am currently 26 weeks! I am telling you, don\'t give up! Try to find hope and strength in the things you still believe in. We to this day are in disbelief. I promise you, it can and will happen for you.
I know that pain, I\'ve felt that pain too...all I can say is keep living your life, don\'t let it consume you. I can remember having to make a conscious effort to count my blessings and appreciate all that I DO have even without being a mom...but keep praying and letting GOD know your heart\'s desire...although HE does, he really does. You\'ve got my prayers too. xo
The journey is always darkest when we can\'t see the light at the end of the tunnel, so we have no idea how much farther on our journey we have to travel. Give yourself the grieving time that you need, but don\'t try to make decisions or absolutes until you get past this acute phase. We never know what the future holds.