This gives me some peace.
I believe that our Lord placed Colleen in my care, to love her and take very good care of her, until He came back to take her HOME again. And I did just that, to the best of my ability. I made many mistakes, lost my temper at times, cried and asked WHY many times, and sometimes wished that things could be different. But through it all, I loved her very, very much!! Colleen was the center of my whole existence, for 22 years!
When she was 4 months old, we very nearly lost her for the first time. The specialists told us that she would not live until her first birthday. But God decided otherwise. He lent Colleen to us for 22 years!!
I always prayed that the Lord will take Colleen before He comes to take me Home, because no-one else could take care of her if I should die. And He did!! My life is shattered now, but rather this than having Colleen's life shattered if I had to die first. Thank you, Lord! You do know best.
When she was 4 months old, we very nearly lost her for the first time. The specialists told us that she would not live until her first birthday. But God decided otherwise. He lent Colleen to us for 22 years!!
I always prayed that the Lord will take Colleen before He comes to take me Home, because no-one else could take care of her if I should die. And He did!! My life is shattered now, but rather this than having Colleen's life shattered if I had to die first. Thank you, Lord! You do know best.
Replies
Whatever brings one peace is what matters and I\'m sure you were very worried about her care should anything happen to you... Now, she is cared for in the most unbelievable of ways and knows and feels your heart.
We all made mistakes, lost our tempers and wish that we could hit a \"do over\" button, yet you did your best and your precious Colleen knows this.
May these pieces of healing that are coming into you heart continue as they are vital and sorely needed.
Loving care to you dear friend and caring for Colleen for 22 years IS the gift, isn\'t it?
Feeling your heart and sending a gentle hug,
With love,
XO Joanie
Yes my dear you were so blessed with Colleen for 22 years. Have you read the poem Heavens Special Child? I truly believe that God sent our children to us because He knew how much love,time and devotion we could give them.
One of my biggest fears was how could Ryan survive without me? I believe that was another gift from God. He did not take us first because they were too precious to have to suffer. We loved our children so much for so long and our world revolved around them. What a precious gift God gave us! I understand all too we\'ll your grief and sadness, but can you imagine Colleen and Ryan playing together? I can!
Sending love and hugs. Debbie
I do so understand what you have written. As my daughter grew into adulthood, it was obvious there was something seriously wrong. Undiagnosed Asperger\'s gave her a difficult time in early childhood but no one could tell me why she was doing the things she did. No one recognized it because her school performance was so brilliant...at that time, Asperger\'s was unknown. And then, the depression, the hallucinations she never acknowledged, and finally a rapidly cycling bipolar on top of it....it was hell on earth for me, watching this. I had my elderly \"mother\" in my home during two and half years of battling my daughter\'s oncoming illness and it was awful. I took care of her but I resented it because she was no mother to me when I needed one. It complicated things. The first psychiatric hospitalization my daughter experienced she almost died from serotonin poisoning; it was a brutal winter, I remember going back and forth from home to hospital all hours of day and night because Mae had to be given dinner. At one point my neighbor took over for one day. She knew her grand daughter had attempted suicide and was in the hospital but the only thing she cared about was what\'s for desert. I, too, was tormented regarding how April would get along if I were to die. Oh I\'m living, but I don\'t feel alive except when I travel. I know by heard the feelings you are having.
Andelene,
One of my bosses showed me this way to grieve many years before I knew that my child would be taken years later. It was a \"gift.\" The Lord prepared me and I am thankful because \"in gratitude\" it was the only way I stayed sane through these long, hard years.
You are a beautiful person and I am glad you are my friend!
Much love and many (((hugs))),
Leda
I know that Colleen was blessed to have you...her precious, loving, caring, generous mother...bless you both...Karen