This can't be for nothing

So Jesus did all this suffering on earth, and for what?    His life had meaning and it helped billions and billions of people forever after.  The Martrye.
Well, here I am suffering and sacrificing and doing my best under the worst of times and being as humble and non complaining as possible.
So many times I've been knocked down onto my knees and I've asked God "why".  Then I've stopped and said "thank you, I will accept it" and make the best of it.  Nothing changed.  Then I said, "help me, show me" and my world got smaller as the pain got worse.
All those things that I was doing in this world that was making a difference in, I was made to stop.  The talents I was given; I was forced to put aside.
I don't get it.  I say "lead me" and I find one wall after another.  I can't ever seem to get a break in my life or recovery.
I had a strange message the other day, and it came from an equally strange messenger. (which made me take more notice)  He said 'everyday you learn something, whether you realize it or not'.
Did Jesus know what his lesson was at the time before his death?  Do we only know after our death?  Does this pain have meaning?  Or is it just pain?