Thinking about what to do..and how to do it...

I read a lot about emotional abuse now and I know that is what my relationship is all about. I am wondering how I am ever going to discuss this whole thing with him and figure out what to do and how to do it. I know this is a toxic relationship. He shows all the signs of emotional abuse towards me every time I voice a concern, show a feeling such as something someone did or said hurt my feelings, and many other difficulties I have with this man. I am thinking about how he is all about me until he decides to do something else with anyone else then I am left in the dark because on my side we are all close and loving and all of a sudden he is out of reach, won't talk, answer anything like text or calls when I am used to hearing from him. I notice that he treats me real good when we have been broke up for a while then he starts wanting me back when I ignore his attempts to contact me. Then he starts giving me all kinds of attention and then he wants to talk about things even take me to the river spend the day with me talk it out he just wants me back. Once we are back a week he will be good for a while then sometimes slowly or all of a sudden if something else  comes up he will tell me he has to do other stuff but he never discusses anything with me. Everything is his decision and he comes home when he feels like it. He leave me this time goes and lives with the x-wife for a while decides he wants me back (he claims they don't have a thing) but he has done this many times over the years and the woman hates me and hates him when he's with me??? So this time while he was broke up with me he decided he will reward his 15 year old daughter with a Mexico trip because she didn't get to go in the summer with her mom. She didn't get to go because she failed 3 classes and had to attend summer school. I know he did it trying to be hard because it is our thing that we go to Mexico in October for my birthday but he was thinking since he wont be with me he will take his daughter. Why do I have a problem with that? Well for one thing he came back to me. For 2nd thing he is going to take his daughter and they are spending Christmas holiday with his x-wifes family because that is why his daughter wants to go to stay with her cousins. Why would this be a problem for me? Well his X-wife is his cousin and one time he broke up with me to have an affair with a different cousin.... Ok I think everyone gets how that is going to feel for me right? He doesn't! I asked him why he is rewarding his daughter for failing 3 classes in her first year of high school? I think he did it just to take a jab at me because he was mad, had left me, and thought I'll show her and I'll take my daughter. Now that he is with me he asked well do you want to go with us? I told him no i don't want to go visit your x-wifes (cousins) family. Plus I am not going to leave my son on Christmas holiday alone he is almost grown up and I just wont do that and my son will not want to go if his daughter is going. His daughter is very spoiled and acts kind of bad and at 15 she still whines and my son can't stand it. For her birthday she already had two shopping trips, he told her in a week or two she can have a pool party with her friends at his sisters house, and she can do a portfolio for $500.00, plus the December Mexico trip. I think this is very excessive, all  of it. My son is lucky to get a watch for his birthday, sometimes not even that. I am glad my son is not spoiled because he has a very good head on his shoulders, and he is also my best friend, and closest family member I ever had. I am wondering if this is what it is going to be like with this man living in my house then what the hell am I doing? I do not want my life like this. I want a man to have mutual respect and love for me, someone who wants to share his life with me not split it up, and someone who is there during the rough times who will listen and understand how I feel. This man does not want what I want at all. He says he does but its really all about him having power over me. I actually feel like I am kept from living while I am with him and i feel my spirit crushed. Yeah when he leaves me I go through the blues, depression, feel lonely at times but it is not worth all this. What do we have? Oh another big problem is his solution to his x-wife coming to family things (she hate me and has always tripped every time I have been around her) so i told him im not comfortable going if she is going so he says he will just go to all the family things without me. I do not feel any support from him let alone any concern for my feelings by him. He says because I feel that way I am trying to control him but I think it is his emotional abuse because anytime I say how I feel he gets angry, resentful, silent treatment, leave me, blames me saying I am tripping and I over react to everything....  I could go on and on.... so the point here is I think I have figured out that this is not a guy i want to marry and spend the rest of my life not living my life... I am always at home he is always gone somewhere without me! We had his daughter and grandson all weekend last weekend and I was fine, to me Friday and sat is fine with the kids but I have Mondays off and he works Monday nights so I expect them to go on Sunday night and I get a rest (the grandson is five and takes all my attention) I need to clean house, do laundry get ready for work the next morning, go shopping for food and stuff too sometimes and I am exhausted after the 5 year old for two days and the poor boy I think he says my name 1,000 times and he won't leave my side and he crys to go home and he wont sleep in his own bed and he has been majorly neglected by his mother who's husband left her about a year and a half ago and she leaves him to himself along with the 2 year old, well he will be 2 in November. Something is wrong with the little one and I'm not sure if something happened because she doesn't get up with the kids in the mornings and they have a two story house and that baby was not even walking and the other one was taking him downstairs in the morning and at 8 mos i saw the little one and he seemed fine and normal but now he doesn't make sounds anymore or say words like he should be by now. I am afraid he fell and hit his head or something. Everytime I see the five year old he has new scrapes and bruises because he is very active and she doesnt watch him. One time Grandpa was on the phone telling the x-wife to take the saw from the boy and at that time he was 3! I think this is terrible. One time he broke up with me because after 3 warnings I told him if his daughter drops the boy off without telling us again I have had it because so many times I would get up in the morning and go in the kitchen and find the boy in there alone with no one watching him and he knows how to open the doors and i have an in ground jacuzzi outside and he always wants to go there. HIs 27 year old son who lives high on pot 24/7 would let the grandson in (no one asked us if we could watch him or anything) and i would get up and find him in my kitchen. I went off finally and told him that is it if nobody can be considerate and careful what if the boy went out and drowned in my jacuzzi , what do you think is going to happen to the boy? What about me??? I can't have that sort of thing on my conscience. They are so careless and neglectful. He was supposed to start kindergarten last year but she wanted to go to nursing school and it would be too much for her to do to take him to school so he started this year instead and that boy was ready for school a year ago. He is very bright and eager to learn and he loves it with me because I listen to him. He tells me that his mom, uncle, aunt (the 15 yr old) are mean to him all the time and they yell and hit him and he wants to bring all his stuff to my house and he doesn't want to go home. What am I to think? He would live with me and not give his mom a thought I think its crazy and i have never seen a kid never after days even want to talk to his mom let alone cry because he is going home to her????? What is the deal? I do not understand or approve of any of his children and their behaviors or habits. I love the grandson and i would take him in a second but I am disabled and limited physically and i have bi polar, depression, and anxiety so I can't take full responsibility of him. She doesn't want him which makes me cringe! I have a son I can't fathom no caring about him like that. I think they are all nuts! the 15 year old gets attitudes with me if I dont agree to everything she says or wants and if her dad doesnt she will say take me to my mom and visa versa and they let her do that. if mom wont give it to her she will go to dads (punishment) and not talk to mom, if dad wont let her do something she will go to moms and mom will let her do it. None of them help each other and care for each other they all criticize each other constantly and the son who is now 29 lives at home with mom since dad lives with me now and he smokes pot before work, during work, after work, all night til he falls asleep. first thing in the morning he is hitting the bong and meanwhile he stinks up the whole garage and his truck, one time his sisters car when she had to exchange the kids with a supervisor to her X. The 15 yr old told me he sprayed febreze in the car and opened all the windows so i guess she didn't get found out. All this and they still just let him do it, leave the bong and pot laying around when he gets too high to put them away or he forgets. He leaves the garage door open and the gate which got his dog killed when it went in the street and got hit by a car. what if the 1 yr old got out in the street? he leaves the house open the mom doesn't watch them???? all this stuff drives me crazy on top of my bf being on then off, on then off...... with me and gone with me and gone!! I have to figure out how to either break up with him for good or he decides he wants to change and get extensive counseling for himself and us as a couple. I do not know how to approach him at this point because he feels he just got back in and I am just not feeling it anymore. Well eventually i will figure out how to do it. We'll see. But I don't expect to be with him in December or maybe not even october because maybe i want to live on my next birthday. Big journal today.